Posted by: Anton | 2012-11-08

for my baby

please help, i was in a relationship with a lady for 2years she fell pregnant and the boy was born this year, so how i cheated on her when she was pregnant and she found out about it, she called off the relationship. the when the baby was born i asked her to give us one last try which she did, and i know i cheated on her again and she found out about it, and she broke-up with me for good.

I asked for forgiveness again, even asked her to marry me, but she refused and told me that she doesn''t need a man like me in her life.

Out of anger i told her that since she doesnt want me in her life, i will stop maintaining the child, which i did for the past 3 months, am a man who feel i wont pay for a child which is not permanently in my life. How can she expect me to contribute towards the child that i will only see by arrangement/visit, the boy needs his father, so if she cant go with my terms, the i wont maintain the child. She decided to take me to court for maintainance and i feel she is just been spitefull. why cant she do the write thing and get back with me and build a family. Women of today think they know it all.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You surely realize that you behaved disgracefully, and must have hurt her terribly, showing no respect whatsoever for her, the relationship or the child ? Why should she forgive you ? What possible benefit could that be for her ? Wht on earth WOULD she want a man like you in her life ? Cheating once is bad, but might just possibly be a mistake you might not repeat. But after the second time, its a pattern, and likely to recur.
If she has any sense at all, she will go to the maintenance court and get the magistrate to FORCE you to may proper maintenance for your child. Its appalling that you felt iot right to punish the child by stopping maintenance because she didn't want to give you more chances to cheat on her. As father of the child you are obliged by law to pay full maintenance for the child until it is old enough to support itself.
The duty to pay maintenance has nothing whatever to do with whether or not you are given access to the child. You could attent the court hearing and ask for access to be formally granted to you, but the court would need to consider the circumstances, and might well not agree.
Boys benefit from access to good fathers, but lose nothing whatever from losing contact with someone who thinks so little of cheating repeatedly on the mother.
getting back with you is NOT "the right thing" and getting you to pay maintena nce for the child you chose to father, is not spiteful.
YOu are not entitled to demand that she be stupid. You dont get to dictate what happens.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Grace | 2012-11-09

The child did no wrong, you owe it to him to support him financially. You should''ve thought clearly before you cheated on the mother of your child. What reaction did you expect from her? I hope the Magistrate gives you the tongue-lashing you deserve and makes you pay arrear maintenance with interest. You are a man - behave like one! Accept the responsibility of having a child.

Reply to Grace
Posted by: Gogo | 2012-11-09

You fool idoit who aint no respect for women. U are useless . Maybe u are like your father. Who do u think u are

Reply to Gogo
Posted by: Star | 2012-11-09

" Women of today think they know it all."  at least this one did the right thing and sticking to it!

Read your post again and tell us what you think, you made your bed so lie in it, I''ll bet you anything you will cheat again. We''ll done to your woman for making the change in her life!

Reply to Star
Posted by: Mabel | 2012-11-08

Anton boet you better stay indoors? The ladies are not happy with you! May get a well deserved hiding when found on the streets.

Reply to Mabel
Posted by: Queen | 2012-11-08

I can only wonder how old is this Anton, because to me he sounds like he still needs some serious hiding, let alone growing up!

Reply to Queen
Posted by: Respectable | 2012-11-08

Antoni is just a troll every One. Any idiot with his history with a brain cell would know what they did was and is totally unacceptable and wrong. Well Anton if you are actually seriously about your situation. Be prepared to be locked up behind bars. Yup three months and you have not paid maintenance. Hehe

Reply to Respectable
Posted by: Nonny | 2012-11-08

you are a fool,who do you think you are we do have stupid man like you in this country who think women need them to live their lives she can raise her child without you maintanance or not she can do it without you, you don''t respect her and she sound like she know what she wants in her are not the only man in this world she will find someone who will love her and respect her with your child while you are busy chasing every skirt on your way,your not ready to be ahusband .after you marry her you are still going to leave her at home to be with your mistresses and make her miserable go to hell with your stupid marriage find someone to put up with your stupid behaviour..please help se voet.

Reply to Nonny
Posted by: R | 2012-11-08

Anton, you really are an idiot.

Reply to R
Posted by: Jenna | 2012-11-08

You sound like a complete jack@$$! Seriously, how on earth can you blame her?

You sound like a very spiteful man- what kind of father are you now and will you be if you are prepared to punish the kid for the mother''s (very reasonable and understandable) decisions? A very bad one.

You would be doing the kid a favour by staying out of his life- you are nothing but an immature cheat. There are plenty of REAL men out there who can take care of him. Shame on you.

Reply to Jenna
Posted by: Nini | 2012-11-08

Sounds to me like you''re punishing the poor child for the bad feelings towards his mom! Sis on you. You fathered this little boy, and he absolutely needs his father!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you feel that strongly about spending time with your child then rather take the legal route and ensure you get visitation rights - but to punish the poor child by withholding maintenance just because the mom wont do things on " your terms"  makes you a terrible parent.

If anything, doing the right thing and proving yourself to her as a decent man and father will most certainly improve your relationship with the mom in the long run.

As for ever getting back together with you - well she''s a hell of a woman for even doing it the first time. But expecting her to do it again after you cheated on her TWICE? Please, have you no dignity and self respect? Leave her alone, she deserves better. As for your son, he deserves a loving father, and that only you can provide him with.

Reply to Nini
Posted by: Oh my!!! | 2012-11-08

Thank you Romany you''ve said all I wanted to say to Anton, infact you''ve said it better.

Reply to Oh my!!!
Posted by: Romany | 2012-11-08

Well YOU certainly made your bed here mate ! Men of today???
YES you will maintain the child until he is 18 years old. Yes, you will pay as you fathered the child. No, you had more than enough chances from the mother. In fact I am surprised she gave you another chance? How awfull to be cheated on while you carry the man cheating on you''s child?
Nope, you deserve everything coming your way here.
I hope she finds a great and faithfull husband that will love her and the boy as his own... she deserves it. You do not.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Casey | 2012-11-08

How do expect this lady to trust you after you cheated on her twice?

Also, how can you expect her to do everything according to your terms?

Reply to Casey
Posted by: Shaz | 2012-11-08

Anton, why should she put up with your nonsense? Cheat on someone once and they can maybe forgive you, but to do it again, I think not. When you are whoring around, do you ever give your girlfriend and child a second thought? Do you ever think about STDs and Aids? Why are you punishing your child because you cant keep your pecker in your pants? She is right to be taking you to court for maintenance - hope she sues your-|-good and proper.

Reply to Shaz
Posted by: Maria | 2012-11-08

You are seriously deluded. You cheated on her twice and expect her to marry you! Clearly she isn''t stupid. It''s time for you to grow up and face the consequences of your bad decisions.

As for your son, he is yours, how can you just write him off and then still say the boy needs his father? Man up and be responsible. You have equal rights as parents according to the Children''s Act, and can in turn take her to court for access. But you have to pay maintenance, that is a separate issue from access in the eyes of the law. Going the legal route will be expensive and acrimonious so I suggest you start paying maintenance again (including the 3 months you didn''t pay), then ask her to go to FAMSA with you to work out a parenting plan.

Reply to Maria

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.