Posted by: CTMOM | 2009-06-25

Follow Up 2

They are in Natal, I am in Cape Town and finances are not my friend at the moment, but I am saving up to go visit.

I know the differences between my parenting style and my moms. I expected chores to be done, pocket money earned etc. My mom thinks a maid is the answer so no chores. (Which she makes me pay for I might add) and pocket money and treats etc gets given all the time.

So of course my child will be different, she is getting everything she wanted. I could not and wont raise my children to be money grubbers who cant look after themselves. I may be wrong, but you dont prepare a child for the future by giving them the world on a silver spoon. They need to know that things cost money, you cant afford a full time maid when you move out etc.,

My sons are doing great. They have their chores, they earn their pocket money etc. I guess she was just a different child in her personality.

As for her coming home. I am thinking she might not want to and try to stay by my mom throughout her high school years, I wont force her back. As long as she is happy and does well at school, I will be happy.

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Our expert says:
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Fine, such visits are indeed expensive, but keep that option open. DO you have good communication with your mom ? What you are saying actually poses a larger dilemma doesn't it. In many ways, yourm mom ma be "spoiling" the child by giving her few personal responsibilities, and mainly giing her what she wants ( no wonder she wanted to go there ) --- yet though this is a manner of bringing up kids we;d generally recommend against, the child does indeed seem to be doin better. Now, of course, later on if she has become used to being indulged, she will find real life disappointing and frustrating, and she may have to learn, more painfully, when she enounters he real world, that you were right and that life won't indulge her as a doting granny might. And the success of your sons shows that there is nothing really wrong with your own approach, and it will serve them well throughout life.

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Our users say:
Posted by: CTMOM | 2009-06-25

Thank you CS

I know that reality will hit her really hard when she leaves my mom, whether it is by coming home, or eventually getting her own home as a adult and there is not much I can do about that. I needed her bad influence away from her impressionable baby brothers.

If my mom wants to raise her this way, then its her choice. I did give her permission in a way as I told her to do what she thought was best for my daughter.

My mom and I get along ok, but we do butt heads often.

I will keep you up to date, :)

Have a super day! Thank you for being here.

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