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Question
Posted by: Pearl | 2008/10/06

fm love to murderous hatred

Pls help, there is a man I have bn in love with for many years and always hoped he would start to feel the same. I loved him no matter if he paid attention to me or not. After about 2 yrs I liked him only if he paid me attention and was depressed and upset the other times. Now after three more years I feel this strange hatred for him because he still will not love me. This feeling scares me. I hate him so much I sometimes wish I could kill him. Or tie him up with barbed wire and torture him until he tells me why he did not love me back and what was better about other women. This feeling of hate is suddenly intense these past few days and I have begun driving past his house at 1am. I am trying to think of a way I can make him feel this pain. What do I do this is scaring me?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This "love" sounds as though it is all about you, as apparently he has little or no interest in you. Why on earth did you ignore all other opportunities to meet guys who would acually like you and want to be with you, and to give so much power to this particulat guy ? Face the absolute fact --- you CANNOT force anyone to love you, and the more you try, the more impossible it becomes. This isn't his fault, either. You can't force him to fly, and you cant force anyone to love you. Love does not need force. And its not about him finding something "better" about other women--- love is a complex thing, and a person one guy would find adorable, someone else would find unpleasant. It is not his fault he doesn't fancy you. Why should he suffer pain because yopu have insisted on ignoring all other possibilities for happiness and insisting that he has to love you ? You are becoming a stalker. DO, urgently, arange to see a good local psychologist for assessment and counselling, so you can understand yourself better, free yourself from this fruitless obsession, and get free to move on to find someone who will love you back and with whom you can be happy. This is not the right guy for you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: SR | 2008/10/06

CS .... this is an age old story experienced by many woman (and men)

That person in your life that keeps you hanging on or the hanger onner who just wont let go. The one who is indifferent keeps them hanging on hoping / wishing / praying for years and years and some how never commits.

I can understand her frustrations / the hatred / the dissapointment in a hope which has been nurtured and cherished just to come to the cold realisation that this person is not going to love you and that you have taken yourself for the biggest fool ever.

Brings to mind a story of a vietnam prisoner of war who was kept on a string with the promise of freedom for the exchange of information on his fellow prisoners. When the reality dawned upon him that the camp commander had been lying and had no intention of letting him go, he went to go lie down on his mattress in his cell, started sucking his thumb in a fetal postion and within a period 6 days died.

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