Our expert says:
If you'll check the archives of the forum, we have discussed just this sort of problem many times, and you will find the presviousdiscussions helpful. And indeed, I;'ve already discussed a very similar issue earlier today.
You need to remind her that you are not her maid, either, and that you will only serve food for her IF she has at the last meal taken ALL the plates through and helped with the washing and drying.
You and your husband must draw up a list of the basic rules, and discuss them with her --- as non-negotiable --- and a list of penalties for each time she fails to keep to a rule or help with a chore. The penalties depend on what she values, but can include loss of TV or cell-phone access for one or more days ( depending on the number and extent of infringements ). And Dad must stop this "my angel" rubbish, and stop spoiling her, which is indeed a form of abuse. What on earth makes him think she has to be spoobn-fed ?
You are not expecting too much --- you are expecting far too little. Dady is the problem ( maybe abetted by the grandparents ). D's g explains perfectly how confusing this is for the child
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