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Question
Posted by: Marianne | 2012-04-19

Fire

I am 46 yr old female. To give you some history I grew up in a violent &  dysfunctional family father committed suicide when I was in matric. My siblings went off the rails. I am OK saw a psychologist. I used to be so timid and I think a people pleaser. I had to buck up &  learn to take care of myself &  my younger sibling. She is fine. The thing is that I have grown to be such a no nonsense person. I have a quick temper. I go for the jugular &  never miss if you rile me. I am actually very soft hearted &  kind but I found and do find that people walk all over if you let them. I am very good with words &  have a viper tongue. I am not good at negotiation. I will destroy the " enemy"  verbally. Lately I have been having panic attacks, my pulse has been 118 on a good day and I find it hard to deal with stress. Is it just me or is the average person very angry and out to get you if they can. I just try to protect my own and I do not actively seek to cause trouble. But if it comes my way I stand up &  face it. Nobody intimidates me. My work place is very dog eat dog and if you show weakness they go for you. I think I have developed that A-type personality &  have got into a frame of mind to be aggressive if I don''t get my way (if its important). I stand my ground and never back down. I do not know how to get out of this. I gave a threatening taxi driver the bird and shook my fist at him. I am just fed up of " fighting"  for everything &  my patch in the sun. My friends describe me as " steel in a velvet glove" . Understand I do not actively go out to start on anyone but if you cross me I will fight fire with fire &  can bully if I am so inclined.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maria has identified the crucial issue, the difference between being assertive ( standing up for yourself ) and aggressive ( in attack mode ).
One doesnt really develop a different personality type ; personality is more or less the inbuilt operating system we start with, but we can develop different tactics and styles, which may be more, or less, useful.
Counselling could help you adapt your less useful and helpful habitual ways of responding to such situations

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2012-04-19

There is a difference between being assertive and aggressive. I suggest you go for some counselling to help you learn how to be assertive. You might also find a book called Boundaries by Anne Katherine.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-04-19

Maria has identified the crucial issue, the difference between being assertive ( standing up for yourself ) and aggressive ( in attack mode ).
One doesnt really develop a different personality type ; personality is more or less the inbuilt operating system we start with, but we can develop different tactics and styles, which may be more, or less, useful.
Counselling could help you adapt your less useful and helpful habitual ways of responding to such situations

Reply to cybershrink

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