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Question
Posted by: Kim | 2012/03/20

Financial responsibilities in a marriage

I would like to establish the normal way of expenditure between married couples. My husband pays for the rent and I pay for all other things –  i.e. Rates, light, water, helper, school fees, and groceries. I also pay for all the damages that occur unplanned during the month, i.e. Geyser burst, windows breakages. Whenever I am broke I don’ t have cash for petrol he says I am using him financially (which I requested once in 8 months), he also says I must see to it that fridge has soft drinks and all the required food throughout the month. He says he managed to get us a place where I am comfortable, and we no longer in the township so I should buy and pay for all this other things. He used to borrow money from me and don’ t bring it back, now I don’ t give him anymore. What he also said is that I earn more so I must use all the money, where as we earn more. As his wife, is he not supposed to ensure that we have a roof, but not too remind me that how found us a place to stay? Does it mean I must suffer because he has found us a place to stay. I cook daily, its only once a week whereby I will take a break and buy take aways with my money, he never buys or spoil us. We never go to a restaurant to eat out. When I ask he will say he is broke, but he can have cash for his drinks. Whenever I buy myself clothing he complains and I don’ t doing irresponsibly.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Probably the fairest would be to share expenses, budgeted and unexpected, in proportion to your actual income ; or perhaps to pool your incomes and pay from that what is needed, considering what is left over to be savings, apart from any mutually agreed other spending. Similarly, he should share the household work and chores equally.
It sounds very like he is exploiting and using you, and that what he is expecting you to pay is far more than what he pays.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Pain | 2012/03/21

It sounds like you are in a very bad space. Other people have bad habits . Have you at least set him down and talked about the financial situation? How does he treat your daughter in general? Apart from little fights or miscommunication over money how is he? How happy are you guys? Maybe draw up a budget or speak to someone first before you pull the plug.

Reply to Pain
Posted by: Bongi | 2012/03/20

Gone are the good old days when men were proud to be providers.....

Reply to Bongi
Posted by: Kim | 2012/03/20

He is 38, I am 36. He works where he can have a surplus after paying his debts. I can believe he is using me financially really, and with my salary i can get a place and survive, not even at a township. I have one child, whom I came with, he has two kids who are with their mom. But when he married me he said he is taking my child as his own, after paying for some of her staff he will say jaa I made a party for the child so you must give me half of the money, i just felt bad, cause I was the one who was gonna pay initially. So my love for him is fading daily we married for 1 year and 2 months. But its like 15 years. I am ready to leave him and start afresh. What you all mentioned here is what i was denial to hear. Some how I am hurt and touched by all this, thank you so much, much appreciated.

Reply to Kim
Posted by: Phil | 2012/03/20

Hell, do you even love this person? Dump him!

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Anon | 2012/03/20

What sort of job does your hubby do? How old are you guys and how many kids?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon Guy | 2012/03/20

Your husband is just been unfair. He is using you for your money and sex. I do everything in my household, pay the bond, buy groceries, pay electricity, buy clothes - i pay for everything.

Reply to Anon Guy
Posted by: Romany | 2012/03/20

Men simply are not men anymore.... so sad.
Stay at home and care for the kids and see how much he likes that?
Also, don tstand for his emotional blackmail, just tell him that you will move back to the township if that is such an issue with him....

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Motlalentwa | 2012/03/20

How and where did you get him? Do you have children? He is treating you unfairly. You will never be happy in a relationship like, for me it seems as he is just with so that you can provider.

Reply to Motlalentwa
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/20

Probably the fairest would be to share expenses, budgeted and unexpected, in proportion to your actual income ; or perhaps to pool your incomes and pay from that what is needed, considering what is left over to be savings, apart from any mutually agreed other spending. Similarly, he should share the household work and chores equally.
It sounds very like he is exploiting and using you, and that what he is expecting you to pay is far more than what he pays.

Reply to cybershrink

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