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Question
Posted by: Flower1980 | 2010/04/28

Finances/boyfriend

I have a boyfriend and a 7 year old son. Now he is 40 years old white, I am a yoong colored lady, so its a mix relationship. The problem is, it looks like he wants to settle down, which I don''t have a problem with, but he earns 6 times more than me, but whetever my son is with us for the weekend I feel that he is a bit stingy by spending money. On Sunday I said I would like to have lunch at home and would like to cook, okay he lives alone, so we had to go out and buy food.We got to the shop, got everything,got to the till I ended up paying for the groceries,and the, and I mean now I have no bucks, and most of the stuff was for him. I mean two weeks ago, he did''nt have a problem spending 400 on a dinnner, but when my son is with, I say I will pay our halve, he says fine. He is great with my son, but how can I build a future with someone that is not will to spend on my son aswell. How do I approach the subject, and he has ask me what my gross is, but does''nt wanna tell me his, saying he wants to work out a budget IF we should live together. I love this man, but I feel that finances will be a big issues in this relationship, not even considering the racial difference. What must I do.I feel that I have to live up to his standards and I can''t afford it anymore, Do I leave, stay, appraoch, let it go and continue as if everything is okay.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like financial issues will be crucially important to both of you, and the issue will need to be discussed frankly and resolved before you plan to be together permanently. Why not see a couples counsellor together, to help make sure the discussions are more fruitful and less fraught ? ( Maybe he'd even agree to pay for it ? ) You can't just ignore this and pretend everything is OK, when you know it is not OK.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Same Post | 2010/04/30

This has been posted before. I wonder how CS missed this one.

Reply to Same Post
Posted by: Phil | 2010/04/28

Just a question, you posted this exact post a couple of months back? Why are you posting the exact same post again?

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Maria | 2010/04/28

You certainly cannot just let it go if it is going to cripple you financially. You don''t mention your son''s bio father so I don''t know if he contributes anything. It could very well be that your bf doesn''t feel it is his responsibility to support your son financially but that doesn''t mean he can sponge off you. He must still pay his own way. You will need to have a very open and honest discussion about this. Also, how does he relate to your son other than the finances? Moving in together will have a big impact on your son''s life, you need to consider his best interests as well.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/28

Sounds like financial issues will be crucially important to both of you, and the issue will need to be discussed frankly and resolved before you plan to be together permanently. Why not see a couples counsellor together, to help make sure the discussions are more fruitful and less fraught ? ( Maybe he'd even agree to pay for it ? ) You can't just ignore this and pretend everything is OK, when you know it is not OK.

Reply to cybershrink

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