Posted by: confused | 2009-03-19

finances, marriage and jobs

hi CS and everyone else

got married 3 yrs ago. fell pregnant and while i was pregnant, hubby quit his job, for 3-4months i paid for everything and even had to cut on things i would have like to buy baby. also, 2 months before he quit we bought a beautiful couch and payments were to be split 50\50 over 6 months. for the remaining 4 months i had to pay that, ourrent, and everything else. i hated the situation he had placed me in and have never been able to quit depend on him in a financial sense since.

last year he signed for this business thing (it looks very much liek thos pyramid scheme stuff). he told me about it afterwards, the cost hereof is about R40,000! nevertheless, he signed up in september, made a few bucks and decided that he was gonan quit his job and od this full time. he quit his job november last year.

he has made about only R4000 with this business venture between november and now and he also went and signed up for anoth of such schemes at just under R3000.

he now wants me to sign up as well saying he' ll do all the work but i don' t want to invest my money in something like this. i can see that it doe sindeedhold tons of potential but i think my money is better invested elsewhere.

last month i got some money (investment matured) and used it to get rid my overdraft. i did not tell hubby about it and now i have a small savings of R2500 too... ( I am quite proud of my small savings as it' s teh foundation for building for our child' s education.

this morning he even suggested i maybe take out a loan so that he can sign me up. he has not paid of his accounts so he will never qualify for a loan.

why do i feel guilty for not wanting to give him the full amount? should i give it to him regardless? (i know if roles were reversed he would give me) i also feel it asking too much as i have to pay every single account this month!
and lastly, i completed an application for schooling for our child. they do crdit checks and he hasn' t paid his accounts so he' s got a bad name. i resent him to some degree because he' s decreasing the cahnces of geting our child into a good school by 2012! (i was told to apply during this year for the year 2012! i am so confused i dunno what to do....

i have saved R2500 that hubby knows nothing of, but that money i' m putting away for her education. how much does one have to give to support one' s spouses dream? and when is enough enough...?
i dunno if i should give him part of the money, all of the money or none of it.. i feel so guilty... am i supposed to give it because of unconditional and blah blah blah support? but what about themonths where he makes nomoney and accounts or emergencies happen, where will money come from then?

hopelessly confused,

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Wy are there so mny men foolish enough to quit their jobs and to assume they can make more moeny on their own, when they obviously lack the skills and knowledge to do so ? And why quit a reliable job when your spouse is pregnant and you already owe payments on furniture ? Isn't this the same qustion I have just responded to ? If not, it sounds so closely similar that the same response matches this one. DO NOT give him more money to waste on hare-brained schemes.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mumzy | 2009-03-20

Leave the Loser Girlfriend, he will never change. Make a life for yourself and your kids. you will get over him and you dont need him. he needs to support you and not the other way around.he is not worth it, trust will be far better off on your own. Rather be alone then be unhappy. I have been divorced for over 15 years and Im not sorry I did it when I did because my ex is still the same big time loser he was back then. My daughter turns 21 this year and I brought her up all on my own and Im very proud of myself. He never supported her, since birtth. My family had to always help me out and still do now and again. Nothing has changed so there.....they dont ever change if they do , nine out of ten times, its just for the worse.Leave him and move strong and just do it.

Reply to Mumzy
Posted by: confused | 2009-03-19

thanks so much for all your replies...

it helps to know taht i' m not the unsupportive wife he makes me out to be.

i know i have to go... i know... :(

Reply to confused
Posted by: Mr Macawber | 2009-03-19

There is a character, I think in one of Dickens'  books where a certain Mr Macawber was always waiting for something to " turn up"  He was a complete cretin, just like you hubby appears to be. A dreamer and a big time loser, always reaching for the gold ring. Don' t waste another minutre on him. Kick his sad arse out of it and make a decent life for yourself. These idiots NEVER learn and never achieve anything worthwhile. They are users and I suspect work shy. Go for it.

Reply to Mr Macawber
Posted by: Bob' s Girlfriend | 2009-03-19

I had a husband like this. Trust me that this behaviour will never ever stop - it' s in him. Mine always promised me he' d just do it till he' s 30 if he' s not made millions by then, he' ll stay with a job. Needless to say 30 came and went and became when he' s 40 in the meantime I kept having to give stoves and fridges back as we could not pay the instalments.

We keps on moving because he' d use the rent money. Until one day I deceided STOP. Enough is enough, I have children to support and they WILL NOT lead a life like this. I have now been divorces from him for 12 years, 10 of those he was married to someone I know and she' s always telling me about this and that venture he' s in and that' s the reason he cannot pay maintenance.

She divorced him 2 years ago and he' s on wife nr. 3 - she got a lumpsum out and it' s all spent on some deals that just CANNOT go wrong and they are going to make millions....guess what? they are now living with his parents who are in their 80' s....

Girl this man is using you. Sorry, but he will not change and on top of that your kids will grow up with a father like this.

Reply to Bob&#39 s Girlfriend

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