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Question
Posted by: Sibongile | 2010/09/01

finance and boyfriend

my boyfriend of three months just asked me to buy him clothes on my clothing account saying he will pay me back monthly for it. the thouhgt of doing this scares me as i feel he is asking for too much too soon but i also feel like if i do this now, it will never stop. i will always be the escape goat for his financial problems. I love this guy and he has been good to me for as long as we have known each other. he is caring, loving, attentive and coz of this i cant help feeling guilty for not wanting to help him but i also know our relationship is too young for this. how do i expalin this to him without offending him or making him feel i do not care about him? i know i earn more than him and i do not want to make finances an issue between us but how do i avoid this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Neither you nor he need new clothes so desperately that either of you should buy what you can't afford. Why can't he save up for whatever it is he wants ? What does he do for a living and what does he earn ? Or does he just plan to live off the earnings of a woman ? 3 months is surely too early in a relationship for him to expect the woman to sponsor him. Where's his pride ?
You don't have to "enjoy", i.e. spend, all or most of the moeny you earn - saving it is a goopd idea. ( and a good explanation for you not to make it all available to him ).If he would leave you if you told him you don't want to spend money on luxuries like clothes for him, then he's not worth loving or keeping. If he's as loveable and good as you think he is, he ought to understand if you discuss this with him in a calm conversation

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Our users say:
Posted by: Latoya | 2010/09/01

Men should be providers not the other way round, i personally avoid doing things that i wont be able to do in future, and once people are spoiled they turn to sort of want to depend on you, my advice, just like the other people who responded, would be, dont buy him clothes, let him buy his own clothes.

Reply to Latoya
Posted by: Run.... | 2010/09/01

Tell him you don''t have any credit on your account...If one day He finds out that you lied He will know that you did not want to without you having to explain yourself.

Why does he want clothes so desperately anyway ...is he walking naked? He needs to save money and buy clothes I think He is not a good ''customer'' if he was why does He not open his own account if he so desperately needs clothes. My take is he wants to sponge of you.

Reply to Run....
Posted by: Sibongile | 2010/09/01

i hear what you are saying but how do i then explain bills still coming? I do not want to start living like i am not allowed to enjoy the money that i work for coz i have to pretend i do not have it. is too bad to tell the truth about how i feel? i love this guy and i do want our relationship to grow but i really think its too early and yet iam feeling like i am commiting without doing anything to show my commitment? i think i am scared more about what he is going to feel or say. will he still want to be with me after i say no and tell him its too early?

Reply to Sibongile
Posted by: Maria | 2010/09/01

Tell him you intend to close your clothing account and from now on save for what you want until you can afford it.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/01

Neither you nor he need new clothes so desperately that either of you should buy what you can't afford. Why can't he save up for whatever it is he wants ? What does he do for a living and what does he earn ? Or does he just plan to live off the earnings of a woman ? 3 months is surely too early in a relationship for him to expect the woman to sponsor him. Where's his pride ?
You don't have to "enjoy", i.e. spend, all or most of the moeny you earn - saving it is a goopd idea. ( and a good explanation for you not to make it all available to him ).If he would leave you if you told him you don't want to spend money on luxuries like clothes for him, then he's not worth loving or keeping. If he's as loveable and good as you think he is, he ought to understand if you discuss this with him in a calm conversation

Reply to cybershrink

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