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Question
Posted by: L | 2010/12/22

Fighting

Hi, my boyfriend and I seem to be fighting alot at the moment. His granny is 86 years old and we do almost everything for her relating to her money, paying accounts, seeing to her carers etc. His mother (who is granny''s daughter-in-law) just seems to have written granny off. My boyfriend''s dad was murdered in a hijacking 5 years ago and his mom is engaged to a wonderful man and they are now getting married.
Granny is in an old age home (although with all her wtis about her), she is just fragile. My boyfriend''s mom did not even bother to invite her for christmas day or to the wedding. Granny really feels hurt and only talks to me about these things as she can trust me and I feel for her. Mom-in-law gave gran an invitation to the wedding yesterday, saying she was going to do this all along, but we all know she is talking bull.
We are all going on holiday together (except granny), we have all paid toward this, but his mom is dictating everything.
I am also going through a huge financial dilemma due to a fraudulent partner, my daughter has been ill, so has my boyfriend (in fact incredibly so).
As a result we are arguing so much. I love him dearly and I believe he loves me dearly. BUT, I AM ALWAYS SCARED OF LOSING HIM WHEN WE FIGHT. I try so hard not to discuss his mom and the things i find hurful and sad. We both feel pulled in 200 directions.
I am so tired and am dreading the holiday with his family. I just wish i could stay home with NOBODY around and sleep.
Any ideas??

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I know from experience how tragic old age can be. And ignorin her for Christmas and for the wedding seems unnecessarily cruel. One day they may well be old and frail too, and then they'll hope other people treat them better than they are treating her. Congratulations on showing respect and affection towards the granny.
Abd be aware of how his mom behaves, and how this could influence your marriage.
Maybe i would be a wise investment for both of you to see a relationship counsellor for a few sessions to work out better skills for handling conflict and disagreement ( trying to ignore it never works in the long run )

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/12/22

I know from experience how tragic old age can be. And ignorin her for Christmas and for the wedding seems unnecessarily cruel. One day they may well be old and frail too, and then they'll hope other people treat them better than they are treating her. Congratulations on showing respect and affection towards the granny.
Abd be aware of how his mom behaves, and how this could influence your marriage.
Maybe i would be a wise investment for both of you to see a relationship counsellor for a few sessions to work out better skills for handling conflict and disagreement ( trying to ignore it never works in the long run )

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