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Question
Posted by: relebohile | 2011/06/29

fiancee believes I''m cheating on him

Fiancee thinks I''m sleeping with someone coz the other night when he wanted to make love I was not responsive. I was not feeling like having sex but he sees it as me having had sex with someone else in the day and hence I didnt want him.

I think he has insecurities about being cheated on. This is not the first time we have had this argument and I am now scared to go ahead with marriage coz I''m scared of the same thing coming up. I''m not cheating, have the intension nor desire to cheat on him. I made a concoius decision to be with him and his doubt in me feels like lack of trust in me, our relationship and my commitment to him. I do not think anything I say now is going to ring true to him and I dnt know how to handle this anymore. Help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he imagines that ANY woman ( or man, for that matter ) is perpetually rampantly ready for sex whenever he happens to feel like it, the poor guy has an awful lot to learn about life, love and sex. Maybe he's been cheated upon in the past ( or indeed, maybe he has cheated ) so this is the theory he most readily thinks of, but he's way wrong.
It makes good sense for you to hesitate before marrying someone with excessive jealousy and suspiciousness, and an apparent lack of maturity. Suggest some sessions of couples counselling first, before committing yourself to anything long-term. I think this more about his broader lack of trust, and ignorance of how women work, than specificaly a lack of trust in you alone.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/06/29

If he imagines that ANY woman ( or man, for that matter ) is perpetually rampantly ready for sex whenever he happens to feel like it, the poor guy has an awful lot to learn about life, love and sex. Maybe he's been cheated upon in the past ( or indeed, maybe he has cheated ) so this is the theory he most readily thinks of, but he's way wrong.
It makes good sense for you to hesitate before marrying someone with excessive jealousy and suspiciousness, and an apparent lack of maturity. Suggest some sessions of couples counselling first, before committing yourself to anything long-term. I think this more about his broader lack of trust, and ignorance of how women work, than specificaly a lack of trust in you alone.

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