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Question
Posted by: Keegan | 2011/09/07

Fiance'' letting herself go

Hi there Doc, I suppose my query could be directed to a number of the experts on this site, but I figured you get a lot of readers so perhaps I could throw it out to them too.

I''m a 30 year old guy and am engaged to marry my beauiful 22 year old fiance in a few months time. However, I''m noticing that over the last few months she''s making far less effort to look after herself.

Look, I''m not built like Pierre Spies and I''m not expecting her to be ready to pose for Cosmo, but she complains of putting on weight yet continues to stay away from the gym. I try squeeze in 3 games of squash at least a week while I''ll try make gym three times a week as well, and while she joins me one night a week, its not really enough. Look, the weight isn''t really the issue, as I know she''s not doing it on purpose, but I''m getting fed up with the laziness. On those occasions after gym, she won''t shower, instead climbing straight into bed, while I don''t know when last she''s brushed her teeth before hitting the sack.
If she''s not in her work wear, she''ll be in MY tracksuit pants and some tracksuit top, and in all honesty, she''s becoming, for lack of a better word a slob. I usually work from 5am to 7pm, and I''ll happily cook if need be, yet when I get home, she''ll usually have cooked a meal consisting of one thing eg. lasagne, spaghetti etc. sans veggies - yet in the same breath complain about her figure. It really does sound like I''m complaining non-stop, and I''ll be the first to admit that she has amazing characteristics which I love dearly, yet she definitely is not the same person from a year ago, which is not right given her age. I have my faults too, but I very much doubt they''ve all cropped up in the last year.

Finally, she''ll complain that I''m not really physical with her anymore, but the bottom line is that she''s turning me off. How do I change this situation? Thank you

She''ll also complain why I''m becoming less physical with her, an

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Maybe address your concerns as a matter of romance. encourage her to see dressing-up, brushing her teeth and bathing as opportunities to rekindle the romance. once she recognises that all these aspects contribute to romance, intimacy and sex, she will most certainly change her ways.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Woman | 2011/09/08

Zee, I agree 100%. And because hygiene is such a big issue, for men and women, it does ring the alarm bells that she can''t even shower before collapsing into bed.

Not washing is asking for trouble!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Zee | 2011/09/08

Sorry to Woman but that is just being Dirty... Whether showering or bathing after gym is a mission, no one wants to sleep in sweat ridden sheets that turn yellow after because you were too lazy to wash yourself. Wash your pours, if you sweat you need to be washed. Yes, men love the smell of a women, but not sweat

Reply to Zee
Posted by: Zee | 2011/09/08

Normally people who are soon to be married are hitting the gym, eating right esp woman to get into that wedding dress. Doesnt sound right. Maybe she feels secure. But secure is what we men do not want. We still want that attractive lady we fell in love with. That sexy girl who made us " hard"  just thinking about them. Sorry to say, but that is a females and mans mistake. You think once you married you safe. Dont blame anyone when after a few years, your partners is banging someone else and you crying with a bag of potatoe chips in front of you.

Reply to Zee
Posted by: Woman | 2011/09/08

How is her emotions and mood? When women let themselves go like that, sometimes, it is because she might feel a little depressed. Is she generally happy, satisfied, positive? If not, maybe you suggest she sees someone to talk about whatever is bothering her.

When you''re depressed, exercise is like torture, and showering or bathing is a mission because you just don''t have the energy. When you''re low on energy - be it emotional, mental, physical, it impacts quite heavily on the rest of your life.

I don''t know if this helps, I hope it does!

Reply to Woman
Posted by: sexologist | 2011/09/08

Maybe address your concerns as a matter of romance. encourage her to see dressing-up, brushing her teeth and bathing as opportunities to rekindle the romance. once she recognises that all these aspects contribute to romance, intimacy and sex, she will most certainly change her ways.

Reply to sexologist

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