Our expert says:
Odd, isn't it ? OK, sometimes we are so busy DOING a relationship that we might not get round to pausing to think about it in a broader sense, but to do so should not take very long - and one would not even dream of agreeing to a wedding, etc., before having done that necessary thinking.
To come back announcing one is now sure - and then insist one needs a second bout of thinking is odder. And how on earth does she know so exactly how long this "thinking" will require ? It will be finihsed by next Monday, but not by next Sunday ?
You sound a whole lot more like the sort of guy most women tell me they want, than are most guys.
You may well be right that she may have highly unrealistic expectations of perfection. I think women's magazines and most especially the flood of chick-flick and rom-coms ( which are, for instance, most of what DSTV under its recent management, force-feeds the nation with ) do real harm to women by suggesting that a certain particular form of perfection is required, and readily atainable.
And what became of the idea of finding yourselves compatible, and working towards perfection in the course of a marriage ? After as long together as you have been, there can be relatively few surprises ahead, whereas with anyone else, there will be a much larger area of Unknown in the relationship.
If she really ha significant doubts about going ahead with the wedding - why on earth waste money and time getting all the hair, nails, etc. done ?
And ou have put your finger on an extremely important element in all this - that she is insisting on dealing with whatever problems she has perceived, solely on her own ( or maybe with input from feminine friends and family ) and refusing to discuss them with you. This is not a good way to find a viable solution, and would be highly maladaptive within a marriage.
I wonder how she would have reacted had YOU done the mirror image of this, insisting on YOUR time out to "think" about it all ? With 2 months to go, that might even be an option worth considering. It would demonstrate the implicit attitude that you should be grateful to sit and wait for her to decide, as though your views and doubts were much less important
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