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Question
Posted by: SW | 2011/03/14

Fiance bought his ex wife a car. They don''t have kids.

Hi, i''m feeling so angry and confused. I''m getting married in two months. I cant believe im gonna say this but here goes. I was posting on his sisters facebook wall and noticed a post from him, only from a facebook account I didnt recognise. The one im on is where he''s using his nickname (with me and 7 people). I asked him about it and he said he has another facebook account (with 132 people) but he didnt want me to know about it because there was drama with his ex wife on it. They''ve been divorced for 1.5 years. Separated for two. No, we were not dating while he was married, in fact when I started dating him he didnt tell me he was divorced. I digress, it turns out that his ex wasnt making payments on the car they jointly purchased while together, but that she was using. So he refinanced the car completely in his name (while we were together) and is now paying the monthly installments. I feel so betrayed. Why would he do that? I''m better off financially than he is and because I wanted to help him I opted for a cheaper wedding, my dress cost R350 and ive decided to only have a civil ceremony so as not to burden him financially. Why would he do this? I feel guilty about being so angry and resentful. i dont know if I can make peace with this and if I can ever overcome this and trust him. He''s lied to me so many times.. Can I trust him? Should I marry him? He is a good guy but this has hurt me badly. I asked him a while back when he told me he''s divorced if he still had ties to his ex and he swore up and down that he didn''t. This is no way to start a marriage, I was so excited about marrying him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Nobpdy can tell you why he decided to do this, except him. Try asking him calmly and without drama, being puzzled rather than appalled, and see what he says. He was probably trying to be a good guy and to be helpful to her, without recognizing the larger impact. He was thinking of how to help frail her, without recognizing how it might bother you.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Roamny | 2011/03/14

I am normally very pro working things out but seeing you are not married, you come from and abusive past, he has lied to you on previous occasions, you are ALREADY sacrificing (the cheap dress and wedding)etc etc, SW I will honstly advise you to leave this man and move on to someone that actually deserves you.
It will not be easy but you can do this. I wish you luck and keep us up to date.

Reply to Roamny
Posted by: Oh dear | 2011/03/14

Run, baby, run. This is not way to start a life-long commitment.

Reply to Oh dear
Posted by: Happiness | 2011/03/14

SW, he has two different facebook accounts so that he can cater for his ex wife as well. He is just not that into you, period. We don''t hurt people we love, ever.

Mikky, there''s nothing wrong with facebook! Its just those idiots who use it to effectively destroy their relationships who are to be blamed.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: Truth | 2011/03/14

Quote he has lied to me so many times.
Why trust and marry a man you can say that about?

Reply to Truth
Posted by: mikky | 2011/03/14

Argh! I know your question relates to the money and the car but I just have to say this here .... I HATE FACEBOOK! Its an absolute curse for relationships.

Reply to mikky
Posted by: SW | 2011/03/14

Sorry CS. I asked him why he felt the need to do that and he said she is so fragile and frail and not very intelligent so he felt the need to help her. CS, i''m a survivor of long term child abuse so you how hard it is for me to open up and trust someone. He knows this, why didnt he think about how hurt I would be and if he did how could he go ahead and do it anyway. Why didnt he care that I too am fragile and break easily when it comes to trust. Why did he opt to put my trust and my heart in the line of fire over this? Im so torn. Im so sorry this is so long.

Reply to SW
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/03/14

Nobpdy can tell you why he decided to do this, except him. Try asking him calmly and without drama, being puzzled rather than appalled, and see what he says. He was probably trying to be a good guy and to be helpful to her, without recognizing the larger impact. He was thinking of how to help frail her, without recognizing how it might bother you.

Reply to cybershrink

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