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Question
Posted by: Angel | 2010/11/02

Fiance and prostitutes

Yesterday I found out my fiance has been seeing numerous prostitutes over the whole period we have been engaged. (About a year, and we didn''t have sex because he didn''t ''believe'' in sex before marraige..) I broke of the engagement and asked him not to contact me again. How do I cope with this? Who was the kind and gentle guy I loved, and who is the real him? What kind of man does something like this? How do I reconsile my loving memories with the new information, and not go crazy in the process? Please help, doc!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

So he has no real interest in being faithful, and has no concern for your health and safety, let alone his own ? And he's a hypocrite, who announced that he "didn't believe in sex before marriage" - forgetting to add "except with prostitutes" ?
In assessing people, the most "real" person is generally defined by what they DO, rather than by what they SAY. There's no need to go crazy at all. In life we need to be flexible, and prepared to revise our opinions in the light of fresh information. Your reaction was sensible, and though right now it may feel impossible, before long you should settle down and wonder how you felt so strongly about someone unworthy of your love.
You were not allowed to see the real him, only the mask - and it was the mask you fell in love with, not the man wearing it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Same boat | 2010/11/03

Actually you should feel so glad and relieved that you didnt sleep with him, amagine how you would''ve felt if you did, and you also found out that you caught a virus..

Reply to Same boat
Posted by: wiseltit | 2010/11/02

better you found out now then marry the guy because he obviously would have carried on banging away at those gorgeous loose woman opening their legs for him for a little bit of paper.

i can make only one observation, if he was sleeping around and being promiscious WHILE NOT in a relationship THEN entered a relationship with you and was faithful, how would you feel when you found out that he had been promiscious in the past?
I dont think the past sex life thing is wrong but the seriously evil thing is he did this while awaiting your hand in marriage, thats just evil, face it. also please face the fact that you are indeed an exceptionally poor judge of character in men, you should have seen through his mask and figured out he was a whore monger and not given your hand in marriage.

dont be sorry, be careful next time!

Reply to wiseltit
Posted by: Only me | 2010/11/02

How did you find out if I may ask...did he admit he did it?
You mention " information" ...is this based on hear say perhaps?

Reply to Only me
Posted by: Purple | 2010/11/02

Seems he''s the sort who feels free to have sex with whoever, but his wife must be a virgin.
Goodness gracious, if he expectsc a completely pure wife, then he should be too.
What a hypocrite.
It''s a good thing you have left him before you caught a disease from him once you were married, or he slept with pretty much everyone you know once the thrill of paying for sex wore off.
It probably wasn''t his true character you were seeing, you''ve just found out about it - and it would have come to the fore more and more over the years you were married.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/02

So he has no real interest in being faithful, and has no concern for your health and safety, let alone his own ? And he's a hypocrite, who announced that he "didn't believe in sex before marriage" - forgetting to add "except with prostitutes" ?
In assessing people, the most "real" person is generally defined by what they DO, rather than by what they SAY. There's no need to go crazy at all. In life we need to be flexible, and prepared to revise our opinions in the light of fresh information. Your reaction was sensible, and though right now it may feel impossible, before long you should settle down and wonder how you felt so strongly about someone unworthy of your love.
You were not allowed to see the real him, only the mask - and it was the mask you fell in love with, not the man wearing it.

Reply to cybershrink

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