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Question
Posted by: Ami | 2011/07/25

Feelings I shouldn''t be having

Hi there,

I''m not looking to be called names or anything, I''m here for advice.

I''ve been in a relationship for almost 4 years with a wonderful man. I can honestly say, there is nothing wrong with my boyfriend. He''s wonderful, and even though we do have fights, it''s a great relationship still full of passion and love - you name it!

Only problem is that I''m having feelings towards a male friend of ours. I initially thought it would go away, but it seems to stick with me. To be honest, I HATE it. I don''t want to feel the way I do, because my boyfriend deserves better than that, and I really want to marry him one day (or else I wouldn''t be dating him for 4 years).

I''ve never had a chance to sow wild oats (i''m a relationship kind of girl) and I''m guessing this is why I feel this way towards thie friend of ours.

Any advice? I really want to get rid of these feelings...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, naming people is someone else's job. Frankly, though, I think developing "feelings" for someone else while in a committed relationship, is actually voluntary and not compulsory. You can avoid it developing, and even simply stop seeing the new person. Yes, some people seem to feel that some hidden section of the Constitution defines a right and even a requirement that we all sow as many wild oats as possible, but it really isn't so. it is of no actual benefit to try to do so. Even partying isn't actually compulsory. Spend as little time as possible with the other guy ( surely the pair of you have other friends as well ? ) and indeed spend as much quality and fun time with your bf as possible

Sorry for the delay in responding, but my instructions were ignored. This forum was supposed to be CLOSED to all messages throughout Thursday 21st and right through Monday 25th and only to re-open on Tuesday 26th. As my instructions were ignored I am horrified to discover a very large number of questions that should not have been possible to post, which have of course been unanswered while I was away. This makes me very angry and disappointed. I will try to respond as best I can, though very long message cannot possibly achieve full attention.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Ami | 2011/07/26

Thanks XXX, that might just work. I can''t NOT see the friend, because he''s a close friend and we party together on a regular basis. So spending more special time with my boyfriend, staying in on weekends, might help! :)

Reply to Ami
Posted by: XXX | 2011/07/26

What you are experiencing is not uncommon at all.The important thing is that you do not respond to these urges.
I think probably everyone " lusts"  after someone else at some time or another,the only difference being whether we respond to this or not.
I would suggest you spend much more quality time with your boyfriend and try new positions,go away for a dirty week end etc etc and try forget about this other bloke.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/07/26

OK, naming people is someone else's job. Frankly, though, I think developing "feelings" for someone else while in a committed relationship, is actually voluntary and not compulsory. You can avoid it developing, and even simply stop seeing the new person. Yes, some people seem to feel that some hidden section of the Constitution defines a right and even a requirement that we all sow as many wild oats as possible, but it really isn't so. it is of no actual benefit to try to do so. Even partying isn't actually compulsory. Spend as little time as possible with the other guy ( surely the pair of you have other friends as well ? ) and indeed spend as much quality and fun time with your bf as possible

Sorry for the delay in responding, but my instructions were ignored. This forum was supposed to be CLOSED to all messages throughout Thursday 21st and right through Monday 25th and only to re-open on Tuesday 26th. As my instructions were ignored I am horrified to discover a very large number of questions that should not have been possible to post, which have of course been unanswered while I was away. This makes me very angry and disappointed. I will try to respond as best I can, though very long message cannot possibly achieve full attention.

Reply to cybershrink

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