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Question
Posted by: M | 2010/04/07

Feelings

CS. I know that after a seperation you go thru al sorts of emotions. I know that it is worse than the death of a partner, but some days I really battle to cope. I range from feeling so alone, to content knowing the decision was right, to fear of losing my childrens affection, to exitement, to fear that I wont be able to manage financially. I dont have a fixed income, and that is probably my worst problem at this stage. I cannot file for divorce untill I have an income thru my bank account. Not entirely easy in this current economy. I have been looking for work for over a year, but to no avail. There is just no advertising happening in the building industry. I am trying to get my own business going, but find it stresfull together with the whole seperation thing. It would be ideal for the kids as my time would be more flexible. There are just so many changes happening that I am not in control of. Is it a woman thing to only feel OK if you have enough money to cope?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It's not necessarily worse than the death of a partner, but otherwise you're right. With a separation you may be troubled by the fact that they're still here, but not with you ; with a death you're troubled that they will never be with you again. With a separation, you know that you may have played a part in that fact, with a death, you may blame yourself and feel guilty even though you played no part in causing that fate.
I hope you are getting good legal advice, to ensure that you are as protected as possible.
For someone usually capable and in charge of their life, it's hard to encounter a situation in which there are more elements than usual which you can't control or predict. and I don't think it's a women's thing to feel uneasy at not having enough moeny to feel confident of being able to cope financially - it's a weakness shared by sadly many men and women NOT to feel anxious in these situations, and to expect others to cope for them rather than to help them to use their own capability

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/04/08

It's not necessarily worse than the death of a partner, but otherwise you're right. With a separation you may be troubled by the fact that they're still here, but not with you ; with a death you're troubled that they will never be with you again. With a separation, you know that you may have played a part in that fact, with a death, you may blame yourself and feel guilty even though you played no part in causing that fate.
I hope you are getting good legal advice, to ensure that you are as protected as possible.
For someone usually capable and in charge of their life, it's hard to encounter a situation in which there are more elements than usual which you can't control or predict. and I don't think it's a women's thing to feel uneasy at not having enough moeny to feel confident of being able to cope financially - it's a weakness shared by sadly many men and women NOT to feel anxious in these situations, and to expect others to cope for them rather than to help them to use their own capability

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