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Question
Posted by: ngb | 2010/01/16

FEELING USELESS

this is ma third year in marrage &  we have a 14mths old baby girl who stays with ma husb' s mom of which it' s not ma choice. Last year November we had a fight,so i packed ma bags &  left with ma baby,so he following day he came to my home to pick up the baby saying that i am not working so i won' t b able 2 support ma baby so we had an agreement that as soon as i get a job i will take the baby,but anyway we reconcilled,he even agreed that we' ll go 4 councilling of whivh we never did.

So since then ma baby has been staying with her grandma we visit every monthend but every tym when i say i want our baby 2 come &  stay with us he always says that we are not raedy to b parents he thinks ithe bast thing 4 her is 2 stay with her grandma.

yesterday he got a call 4rm his mother complaining abt the nanny,so he said he is going 2 pick up the baby monthend february since i' m the only one going home(his home) this month-end so we had an argument abt that bcoz i,m asking why can' t i come back with her this month-end,he said no he still thinks that we r not ready 2 be parents,he is going 2 look 4 a place where they keep kidz &  we' ll only visit her month-ends,how sick is that? i feel lyk he is calling the shots &  he is sort of punishing me or showing me that i am nothing,i feel lyk i am going 2 blast with anger...plz help!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Let's see what other readers advise, especially after the weekend when most return. Maybe it'd be best for you to arrange to take this matter to a court for a formal decision which this guy would have to respect and keep to.
When will he ever think you're ready to be parents ? Taht's something one should think about before having the child in the first place/

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Our users say:
Posted by: ngb | 2010/01/18

thank you verry much guyz,i don' t care what happens 2 this so called mariage or who says what but ma baby cumz 1st,i' m taking her.thankyou verry much 4 the courage that you have given me

Reply to ngb
Posted by: A mother | 2010/01/18

Dear NGB,

I am so sorry to read all that you are going through right now but I have to tell you that this husband of yours is runing you. When a woman gives birth to a child, there is an unspoken bond between mother and chid and the first few years of a chid' s life is the most important years as during this time you play a vital role in assisting this little person in discovering who they are going to become.

I know the above sounds easy in theory especially in your case but I am going somewhere with this...

No professional or other doc is going to say this as they won' t dare influence patients personal decisions to this extent (I' ll get to that now) but if you take a ste back you will realise where I am coming from:

What you need to do is go get your baby. No matter what it is that you need to do or how you go about doing it, you need to make a plan to take your baby away from your husband. Your little baby has only one mother and one father but you as a woman can always replace the " husband"  in your life. If it is so easy for him to be without his child, how much easier would it be for him to discard you someday and then you would be without him and YOUR baby.

This thing about you not ready to be a parent is " bull-dust" . The fact that his decisions move you to such and extent that you need help and advise is enough to say that Step 1 to being a parent has been accomplished - YOU love you baby.

NOW: this is going to be corny but there is a song by Mariah Carey - REFLECTIONS... listen to it and ask yourself do you really want your child to someday ask " why didn' t YOU care enough for me" .

As a mother, I can tell you now that I would die for my kids. Your little girl needs you to love her more than anything else in this world - so love her more than you love this husband of yours and more than you love yourself.

I hope I don' t come across as harsh but please, please , please save that little girl of YOURS because if you don' t care enough bout her (and obviously you want to) then who else will!

GOOD LUCK and I will keep the 2 of you in my prayers.

Reply to A mother
Posted by: Craze | 2010/01/18

I think he' s totally kookoo!

Reply to Craze
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/16

Let's see what other readers advise, especially after the weekend when most return. Maybe it'd be best for you to arrange to take this matter to a court for a formal decision which this guy would have to respect and keep to.
When will he ever think you're ready to be parents ? Taht's something one should think about before having the child in the first place/

Reply to cybershrink

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