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Question
Posted by: DA | 2010/11/09

Feeling used

I earn triple the salary my husband earns. Both of us contribute to our household expenses accordingly to our earnings i.e. I pay bond, school fees, vehicles &  extra’ s we need and he pays food &  rates. At the end of every month his mum and sister is asking him for money, I don’ t mind as he has contributed to the household and the rest of his money is for his enjoyment. My problem is that I’ m feeling used, I’ m always having to buy things for people and the house, he gives his mum and sister money but can’ t buy me or our daughter a gift to so how much we are appreciated in his life. I’ m also miffed because he wants to have a big party &  we busy remodelling our house and it’ s expected that I pay for it. Just needed a place to vent, I’ m feeling really used and under appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It makes good sense for you to have negotiated a joint agreement to share the home expenses in proportion to your earnings. And to decide that if he wishes to support his mother and sister ( is she not able to work and support herself and contribute towards her mother ? ) this should come from the funds he has left after paying his contribution to the household expenses. But he needs to recognize that he also owes some signs of affection towards you and especially his daughter.
And no way should you be expected to pay for a big party which HE wants. If he can't afford it, he can't have it yet.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Aha | 2010/11/10

There is so much money floating around in your house. You have loads left. Why be bothered with a bit less cash?
Feel proud that YOUR HOUSEHOLD is helping family in need. Indirectly you are both putting in all you have.

What about me? I''m the sole provider. I beg my wife to accept the fact that every cent is also hers.

Reply to Aha
Posted by: Happiness | 2010/11/09

Maybe it comes back to the theory that men are providers for their families. As much as we afford to take care of ourselves it feels so much better if someone is taking care of us.

My husband is the one earning more salary in our home and he takes care of everything from the bond to cars and electricity bills. My salary only pays for food,school fees and the maid, so I get left with a lot of spare cash at the end. Because he is a man he is actually proud of taking care of his family and goes an extra mile to make sure it remains like that.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/09

It makes good sense for you to have negotiated a joint agreement to share the home expenses in proportion to your earnings. And to decide that if he wishes to support his mother and sister ( is she not able to work and support herself and contribute towards her mother ? ) this should come from the funds he has left after paying his contribution to the household expenses. But he needs to recognize that he also owes some signs of affection towards you and especially his daughter.
And no way should you be expected to pay for a big party which HE wants. If he can't afford it, he can't have it yet.

Reply to cybershrink

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