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Question
Posted by: nicky | 2009/11/19

feeling sad

not sure what my problem is, but i feel ive been cursed, or dealt a bad deck o cards in my life.. im 42 of age, jus come out of a horrific marriage, back in SA, he was mentally and physically abusive... I am an attractive lady but ive lost all my confidence and self esteem, but even before that every time i meet a guy that i like i get paranoid like somethn bad gona happen, or its not gona work out.... i jus seem to have bad luck with men.. If i speak to him or meet him for the first time its fine, but when it comes to talkin the 2nd time round, i get paranoid that someone is gona say somethin bad about me and they detect ive got all sad all of a sudden, i have a cousin whos crazy and shes libelled me or said that im crazy too... shes really evil, and everytime i meet a guy i try to associate whether theres any connection to her, i get paranoid all of a sudden and go sad, otherwise ive a brilliant sense of humour, very attractive, witty, intelligent but i lose focus when im with a guy that i like, or is it perhaps im jus nervous and insecure for the 1st time i meet a guy and think of all negative things... my cousin thinks she knows everything, but yet shes takin so many anti-depressants, always depressed and now she tells my mom that im mad, so i dont have any association with my family and im really sad about that too as my moms very naive. even when i was a child at 11 to 19 years old i had trichomania and found the strength at 20 years old to stop pullin my hair out and everyone started complimenting me on my stunning hair, i used to cry every night for so many years for me to stop the habit, the teasing from kids bout my bald patches and when i met my husband he used to pull my hair out and i got paranoid as i felt my hair was my strength... After 20 years of kicking the habit, i suddenly fell into a deep depression when he pulled my hair out and it bled... ive lost my confidence and i feel so unattractive, an yet everyone says u cant even notice, perhaps its grown, its 7 months now, it bled when he pulled it out, but i dont see any patches now, thank god i left him, goin thru a divorce now...

Im really a bubbly person with brilliant sense of humour but when i feel ive met a guy that i like and he knows my family i suddently go sad, like theyve told him im mad or something which im not as ive seen a psychologist, been thru CBT, theres absolutely nothing wrong with me, but y do i feel like that? then i lost all these guys thru my sudden sadness...

I hope u can understand all this, i cant explain it otherwise.... I would really appreciate yr help..

thanks cybershrink for your time... :)

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like a case fo CBT ( maybe you guessed I'd say that !) - but its so good at testing and revising these automatically negative thoughts and assumptions we tend to make. How could you have properly "gone through CBT" and still emerged with all your gloomy expectations intact ?
Ever read about the power of self-fulfilling prophecies ? When you embark on anything, convinced that you will fail, you're not very likely to succeed. If you start off with reasonably realistic expectations that you could succeed, you more often than not, do

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: nicky | 2009/11/20

boo and cb, thank u kindly for your kind words... so appreciated... :)

Reply to nicky
Posted by: boo | 2009/11/19

Nicky, if you keep thinking you gonna fail then you will.
Change your thinking, change your life.
CS is right, CBT will definitely help. And in the meantime, just remember life is there is enjoy. You have hiccups but try to have fun with it anyway.
Leave the past behind (although it sounds really rough and I' m sorry you went through this). The ONLY choice you have is to move on because there is no rewind button. There is only the play button. So enjoy yourself.
I really hope the therapy goes well. Chin up beautiful, you can do anything! For what you' ve already been through, wow. You are stronger than a lot of people. And actions speak louder than words. Act strong, Act with grace and those around you will SEE for themselves who you are, not who someone else says you are.
Enjoy!

Reply to boo
Posted by: boo | 2009/11/19

Nicky, if you keep thinking you gonna fail then you will.
Change your thinking, change your life.
CS is right, CBT will definitely help. And in the meantime, just remember life is there is enjoy. You have hiccups but try to have fun with it anyway.
Leave the past behind (although it sounds really rough and I' m sorry you went through this). The ONLY choice you have is to move on because there is no rewind button. There is only the play button. So enjoy yourself.
I really hope the therapy goes well. Chin up beautiful, you can do anything! For what you' ve already been through, wow. You are stronger than a lot of people. And actions speak louder than words. Act strong, Act with grace and those around you will SEE for themselves who you are, not who someone else says you are.
Enjoy!

Reply to boo
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/19

Sounds like a case fo CBT ( maybe you guessed I'd say that !) - but its so good at testing and revising these automatically negative thoughts and assumptions we tend to make. How could you have properly "gone through CBT" and still emerged with all your gloomy expectations intact ?
Ever read about the power of self-fulfilling prophecies ? When you embark on anything, convinced that you will fail, you're not very likely to succeed. If you start off with reasonably realistic expectations that you could succeed, you more often than not, do

Reply to cybershrink

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