advertisement
Question
Posted by: kylie | 2012-03-22

feeling down

Really don''t know what to do anymore! About 2 years ago my husband and I went through difficult times with our business draining us etc, things went from bad to worse when he started treating me like a dog and putting me down in front of friends etc, due to his coldness to me it led me to have an emotional friendship with another married man, (they were friends of ours) there was no intercourse or anything like that whatsoever even though he wanted it I refused. We eventually got caught having coffee by his wife and all was out in the open! Since then we obv don''t speak to them anymore but I really feel terrible and really wish this had not happened as I really am not that kind of person. I really love my husband when he is nice and caring but sometimes he is so cold and moody. We have a 5 year old daughter too. He really admits that he needs help but we cannot afford these high rates that are charged for this. I would love to move on and learn by our mistakes and move to the future as I promise this would never happen again, but he keeps saying he can''t get over it, but does love me and my daughter. He cannot talk about it and emails me rather. At the moment I noticed he does not wear his wedding ring all the time. Do I question him why? What should I do he says sometimes he does not feel comfortable with me. Is there any hope? Do u perhaps know any free counsellors in the cape town area that are good? He keeps sending mixed signals one minute he is fine and the next he is not. Please help

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

OK, it's not admirable under such circumstances to have an emotional ( but not physical )affair with a friend, but the abusiveness of your husband before that was significantly worse. In discussing it with him, you can emphasize that while you also wish to put all this unpleasant phase behind you, he needs to recognize that he was at least emotionally abusive towards you before this emotional attachment, so you should share responsibility for things having gone wrong, and be prepared to forgive each other and yourselves.
I would also worry that he might be using this as an excuse to feel entitled to wander, himself, as the not wearing the ring is a bit ominous.

As your husband is apparently open to the idea of seeking help, have you spoken to FAMSA about the best prices available for marriage counselling, and they may also know of some sources of low-cost help ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-03-22

OK, it's not admirable under such circumstances to have an emotional ( but not physical )affair with a friend, but the abusiveness of your husband before that was significantly worse. In discussing it with him, you can emphasize that while you also wish to put all this unpleasant phase behind you, he needs to recognize that he was at least emotionally abusive towards you before this emotional attachment, so you should share responsibility for things having gone wrong, and be prepared to forgive each other and yourselves.
I would also worry that he might be using this as an excuse to feel entitled to wander, himself, as the not wearing the ring is a bit ominous.

As your husband is apparently open to the idea of seeking help, have you spoken to FAMSA about the best prices available for marriage counselling, and they may also know of some sources of low-cost help ?

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement