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Posted by: Depressed | 2010/02/26

Feeling depressed

Hi Doc, thanks for advice in the past, always helpful.

Today I feel so depressed. I have nothing in my life that makes me happy. I take care of my daughter''s two small children. They mess up my place (I used to be a bit of a neat freak). I just tidy up now around the mess but refuse to ''kill'' myself by keeping things spotless. I am frustrated with the way the place looks though. I am tired of the kids and do not enjoy taking care of them, but do so out of my love for these grandchildren of mine. Their mother is not very patient and shouts at them often, and I fear that it will have a lasting impression on them. The older one, 4, is already forever biting her nails. I feel like I take care of them to protect them. Their parents do not have a stable marriage, often quarelling, etc.

My other problem is my husband. He is forever angry. He has made promises to me not so long ago that he will be less angry and smile. Who in this world finds it hard to smile?!?!?! I used to be a happy person  I feel like I have become less friendly to others as I am no longer happy. I have heard people talking about loving someone, but had fallen out of love with them. I think this may be my case. Sometimes I doubt that I love this man.

Also, for over 20 years my husband has been in a business where he promises me things are going to get better financially, in a huge way. Up to now, it hasn''t really. I feel like I have been brainwashed into believing that ''tomorrow'' things will work out. On the one hand I actually believe it, on the other, I feel it won''t.

Doc, I have no life whatsoever. My life revolves around these two kids ensuring they have happiness and are protected at all times, and ''waiting'' on my husband''s business to succeed. I play games on the computer when I have free time. Believe me, it is not because I enjoy it  it is my way of escaping my depression, etc. What can I do??? Thanks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I think it is important for us to see that at least some of our happiness has to be self-generated, rather than seeing it all as needing to be donated by life.
Sounds like your daughter is, for whatever reason, underpressure and irritable with the kids, and not developing a coherent system of disclipline. Kids who lack this structure often misbehave, partly because they don't recognize whatever they're doing as misbehaviour ( adult protests can be seen as just irritability rather than arising from any cogerent code of conduct ) ; partly because there is no cogerent system of predictable condequences for misbehaving. And with squabbling parents, maybe it's only when they're making a mess that they feel they get any attention at all.
I suspect your husband brain-washed himself into believing that Something Big was just around the corner, rather than consciously trying to convince you of this.
A CBT-style counsellor / therapist might be able to help you to revise the situation optimally, and to find more sources of satisfaction rather than sources of a sensation of pointlessness

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/26

I think it is important for us to see that at least some of our happiness has to be self-generated, rather than seeing it all as needing to be donated by life.
Sounds like your daughter is, for whatever reason, underpressure and irritable with the kids, and not developing a coherent system of disclipline. Kids who lack this structure often misbehave, partly because they don't recognize whatever they're doing as misbehaviour ( adult protests can be seen as just irritability rather than arising from any cogerent code of conduct ) ; partly because there is no cogerent system of predictable condequences for misbehaving. And with squabbling parents, maybe it's only when they're making a mess that they feel they get any attention at all.
I suspect your husband brain-washed himself into believing that Something Big was just around the corner, rather than consciously trying to convince you of this.
A CBT-style counsellor / therapist might be able to help you to revise the situation optimally, and to find more sources of satisfaction rather than sources of a sensation of pointlessness

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