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Question
Posted by: Lema | 2010/02/08

Feel trapped

I' m married with 2 kids, and I want out of the marriage. I feel I need to start my love life afresh, try and see if someone will actually love, acknowledge, trust and care for me without having to prove myself over and over. My husband when he married me he told me he doesn' t like my personality that I' m gonna have to change my ways, and ofcourse I said I will. And the first week of marriage I was told that u said u' ll change and u haven' t, how long will I have to wait for you to change u promised this and that. All thru the marriage I will beg for him not to leave me, because everytime we had an argument he was divorcing me. He had an affair and twice when I was pregnant when I told him the he would say we need to talk abt what to do,discuss our options like abortion. He was never happy because I' m pregnant. I feel like I wanna redeem myself, I got my self-esteem back the problem now is I depend on him financially but I want to leave. I don' t feel love or anything towards my husband.
I' m still married and trying to sought myself out and get ready to leave. Find a job and move closer to my family and friends. Yes I feel bad for my kids, but I ask myself if I stay with my husband until I' m old and wrinkly will it feel good that I have to endure so much on the hands of this one man? I already regret not leaving all those times years back, i understand though that I had low self esteem and I felt I loved him.
Now I' ve met a man that I feel strongly abt and many times I sit here missing him so much. I can' t call him anytime cause I do respect my marriage. I cry sometimes because I so wanna be with this man and I' m married and can' t just be with him until I get out of my marriage. It' s sad that to have sex with my husband I have to think it' s this man I like to get thru it. I cry every time after sex cause I don' t want my husband anymore I want this man I' ve met.
The was a time when i thought I should be with my husband because he' s my first love and I was never in love with anyone before him and I wasn' t even attracted to guys. But then this man came along and my heart just opened up for him so unbelievably so. He gave me hope that it' s okay for me to leave, that I will love again cause i thought maybe I wouldn' t be able to. It' s such a difficult situation for me right now. I wish something can eject me out of this marriage and end up on the other side with a job, back to old self...a career woman with goals and aspirations.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gosh, that sounds like a totally unpromising start to any marriage - the assumption that the man is perfect, but the woman needs to completely transform herself just to please him.
He seems to have shown you no genuine love.
Any chance o finding a job for yourself ? If you left your husband, could the new man help to support you and the children ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/09

Gosh, that sounds like a totally unpromising start to any marriage - the assumption that the man is perfect, but the woman needs to completely transform herself just to please him.
He seems to have shown you no genuine love.
Any chance o finding a job for yourself ? If you left your husband, could the new man help to support you and the children ?

Reply to cybershrink

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