Posted by: Saddy. :( | 2009-03-23

Feel so fat and ugly!

Hi Doc,

my whole life I wanted to be a model. I' m so jealous of people I know living my dream. They' re so happy and pretty and skinny and they look like they' re enjoying life so much. I' m not an ugly woman- I' m quite pretty (I think) but I was plagued with skew teeth and no money to fix them and big thighs and stretch marks for Africa. I generally wear a size 32 pants, but I just feel so HUGE and I look huge! Don' t get me wrong- I don' t believe that looks are everything. Its just that for 10 years people have had something to say about my looks and I have had extremely hurtful things said to/about me. To make things worse, no one likes me anymore. Its been rumoured that one of my ex friends is using witch craft to make things go her way and my boyfriend says it makes him wonder why all my friends and his family stopped liking me so quickly. But it still hurts that people say mean things and that I have no one except my family and boyfriend can validate me.

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Our expert says:
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You demonstrate so well, a problem I often comment on --- the major mistakes one can make in life by assuming that everything is as it appears from the outside --- that other people are as happy, confident, and sucessful as it looks to envious or troubled eyes looking at them from outside. From the models I've known and treated, they are often miserable and unfulfilled people, who, having made this career choice in life rarely have opportunities to do anything else, however unsatisfying it is once they arive there. And you assume all models are like the handful of successful, and over-publicised ones. Not only are they rarely as happy as they tell the media, but they are not representative of the large number of non-legendary models who don't get that spotlight.
The women you see are NOT l;iving your dream --- they are doing a job, which is blissin your dreams, not in reality. When do they "look like they're enjoyign life so much " ? They almost always look glum, stunned or bored on the catwalk, and when else do you see them ? Do you see them getting up in the morning, to nibble on a lettuce leaf and then throw up, so as to stay the scrawny shape the fashinistas perversely demand ? How many of them look like real women ? How few have the life of a real woman ? Are youi extrapolating from magazine pictures of them posing at parties ? DO you reall think that's what their life is like ? You say you believe ( I don't believe you ) that looks aren't anything --- how many of those models have anything else ?
Then the other source o needless misery, is that you seem to have believed every nasy thing any mean and horrible person has ever saiod about you, and none of the good things good people have said about you.
Counselling could help you to appreciate yourself an the many things that are good about you, to grow in self-esteem and self-confidence.
If you want to be a bit lighter weight but remain healthy, don't copy the unhealhy lifestyle of the models, but get good nutritional advice, eat and exercise healthily. Most men don't want to marry a model --- they don't want a thin womn, painful to cuddle, and too vain to notice them. Celebrity men may like a model on their arm at special events, so as to take a fashionable picture for the magazines, but not to take home with them.

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Our users say:
Posted by: nana | 2009-03-24

Me thinks you don' t love yourself.

Start with loving yourself and everything else will follow, start appreciating yourself don' t look for approval from other people.

I gained weight after my pregnancy and it was struggle to find clothes that fit and suit me well (had to start a new wardrobe). I started with accepting and embracing my new body and when I meet people I knew before they tell me that I am fat and I tell them I also want to know what it feels like to gain weight and cause I am not obsessing with my weight I am losing weight again. So it starts with you, love yourself and enjoy life it' s just too short.

Reply to nana
Posted by: P | 2009-03-24

u mention " ugly"  but say u quite pretty, i think u lack self-esteem lady u also want to be something that u not, if u were not born to be a model u werent, instead u will suffer the rest of urlife eating less...i also wud like to wear size 32 one day but i love my body the way it is i wudn trade it for anything as an african woman, like Sharns said focus on ur strong points and no one will accept u than urself for witch craft it only works to weak people that allow for people they will never stop talking u will live to please them my dear...

Reply to P
Posted by: sharns | 2009-03-24

not everything is about looks you know, you seem to have an unrealistic expectation of yourself and such an opt out for life in general.Lots of people dream of being beautiful and look like a model but be realistic only like 1 out of 100 000 people have what it takes, that leaves 99 000 wanting it! As for your boyfriend, its his loss, when you give up this silly desire to be a model and begin to accept your flaws and focus on your strong points he will want you back when you actually have some self value.Guys go for self acceptance and confidence, thats what shines through in models.not just looks! xxx

Reply to sharns
Posted by: aaarg! | 2009-03-24

I am sorry but to me this sounds like self pity and attention stunt. if you dont like the way you look, do something about it, like eat less and healthier food and gym.

Reply to aaarg!

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