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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2008-12-18

Feel like i can just die!

Hi CS

I am a 29yr old female, i have a 4 yr old daughter whose father left me when i found out i was pregnant. I raised my daughter on my own, and after being single for 4 yrs, i met a guy and things were ok.

In sept i found out i was pregnant, we have always used protection, and the condom broke that night, i took the morning after pills the next morning but still i fell pregnant.

I haven' t told my dad, he will kill me, in his eyes i am still a baby.

I am suppose to go home for christmas, but i don' t think i can coz i am showing, my daughter is so happy about the baby, and she will definetly tell my dad. What hurts me the most is that my bf, left me when i told him i was pregnant and told me straight that the baby is not his, he will only talk to me when the baby is born so that he can do a DNA test.

The only person i could talk to was my mom, who passed away about a year ago, now i have no one to talk to. I have dissapointed my dad and i feel so ashamed!

How can i forgive myself and move on? This is killing me and, sometimes i wish i should have terminated, then i wouldn' t have to o through all this, but part of me believes that there is a reason why i am having this baby even after taking the morning after.

Pls anyone, just help me before i do something stupid!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dads really need to learn that at 29, no woman is ANYBODY's baby ; but that she still deserves support and respect. I understand that you are concerned about how your father may react to discovering that you are pregnant, but let's be clear what the alternatives really are. Isn't it sure that he will find out, sooner or later, from you, even accidentally, or from someone else ? SO isn't your choice more about whether he will find our soon and from you, with you having some control over telling him, rather than later when you may have no control over the circumstances, and he may be additionally upset about not being told ?
What is most sad is that twice you have got together with men who walked out on hearing of the pregnancy and refused to take responsibility for their actions --- a pregnancy, except for the very first Christmas, requires rthe participation of TWO people.
ou have been unfortunate, but you have not deliberately let down or disappointed your dad. And if he can't react with compassion and support, then he would be disappointing you.
Don't do anything stupid, but speak to a counsellor --- maybe even calling Lifeline --- and talk this through.
And if that bf doesn't come back ( and a sample from him will be needed for DNA tests, if he insists on those ) ; go to the Maintenance COurt and have the court order him to pay proper maintenance for his child.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: sam | 2008-12-18

I know what you mean , I have been there , What I can tell you is that it will make things worse if you terminate mayve not now but in the future .
Face your dad , he might be very cross with you but a parent always forgives (you are a parent yourself) , things will get better.
Prepare yourself for the worse , what can he do ? You are a grown up and you take responsibility for you actions .

Reply to sam

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