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Question
Posted by: Nobody' s probelm | 2010-01-18

Feel left out

My boyfriend suddenly started going to church and now he' s joined a cell group within the church. They' re busy reading a book The Purpose Driven Life.

Main problem is I do feel left out but I don' t want to go to church. The times I' ve gone I' ve felt like such an outkast and a lot of the members looked down on you if you weren' t one of them. I am not one to do the happy clappy thing and speak in tongues as some people do. It' s not my scene at all and I feel terribly uncomfortable when I go to church. It shouldn' t bother but it does cos so many are the biggest hypocrites on this plant and I despise that. Not everyone is perfect and I don' t expect everything to be the way I want it to be.

I don' t know why I feel like this. We' re together and it' s something both parters should do together I guess. We don' t live together but I know we' re in a long term relationship and he always talk about us and marriage and children one day. I wonder then if that times comes will I have to go to church just to get married and that wouldn' t seem right if my only point going to church was to get married. Now that is not even on the cards right now.

I just feel so so awkward when I go to church. Doesn' t matter what church.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Apart from the main churches, there are indeed cult-like groups that relate themselves to some churches, ranging from the happy-clappy sort for the intellectually stunted, to more sinister stuff. Speaking in tongues is a broadly hysterical phenomenon, and usually a sign of emotional instability.
Excluding others or looking down on them is not a respectable part of the basic beliefs of most churches, nor feeling and acting superior to others.
It may be well worthwhile, though, for you to explore with a counsellor why you seem to feel so uneasy with ANY church activity and attendance, rather than just with some fringe activities. And having such profound diferences with a partner is not a good basis either for a long term relationship or marriage, or for raising kids without unpleasant conflict.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2010-01-19

People often develop in different directions even while they are in relationships. Please don' t do something you really don' t want to do in order to please your boyfriend, and think very carefully about continuing the relationship. Unless you share a spiritual point of view there will be constant friction between the two of you, and how would you raise your children?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: qwerty | 2010-01-19

Maybe you should try reading the book, even if you don' t attend the cell group. It' s a really good book!!

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-01-19

Apart from the main churches, there are indeed cult-like groups that relate themselves to some churches, ranging from the happy-clappy sort for the intellectually stunted, to more sinister stuff. Speaking in tongues is a broadly hysterical phenomenon, and usually a sign of emotional instability.
Excluding others or looking down on them is not a respectable part of the basic beliefs of most churches, nor feeling and acting superior to others.
It may be well worthwhile, though, for you to explore with a counsellor why you seem to feel so uneasy with ANY church activity and attendance, rather than just with some fringe activities. And having such profound diferences with a partner is not a good basis either for a long term relationship or marriage, or for raising kids without unpleasant conflict.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-01-19

Apart from the main churches, there are indeed cult-like groups that relate themselves to some churches, ranging from the happy-clappy sort for the intellectually stunted, to more sinister stuff. Speaking in tongues is a broadly hysterical phenomenon, and usually a sign of emotional instability.
Excluding others or looking down on them is not a respectable part of the basic beliefs of most churches, nor feeling and acting superior to others.
It may be well worthwhile, though, for you to explore with a counsellor why you seem to feel so uneasy with ANY church activity and attendance, rather than just with some fringe activities. And having such profound diferences with a partner is not a good basis either for a long term relationship or marriage, or for raising kids without unpleasant conflict.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Job | 2010-01-18

Well thats not entirely true there T he may not choose God seeing as you are not him and you dont really know and the entire religious system may not even be from God, cell groups and the modern " born again"  thing is a fading religion loosing its power partly because of its close connection to American patrotism, imagine America as the titanic and the " born again"  groups the band....remember they played right till the dying moments.

Reply to Job
Posted by: Nobody' s problem | 2010-01-18

Thanks for the comments. That I do understand. I believe in God but I don' t enjoy going to church.

Reply to Nobody&#39 s problem
Posted by: T | 2010-01-18

Hi, if he' s in cell, he' s probably born again, &  one of the Bibles guidelines is that a saved person should not marry an none believe because than u have nothing in common. I wish I could have God -fearing man. You might want to think of joining a church if u wish to remain in the relationship cause sooner or later he will choose God. Scripture 2 Corinthians 6:14

Reply to T
Posted by: Woman | 2010-01-18

A relationship where there is a difference in spiritual beliefs very rarely works out. It' s just a fact of life.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Nobody' s problem | 2010-01-18

Excuse my spelling errors.

Reply to Nobody&#39 s problem

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