Posted by: Bonkers | 2009-06-04

Feel I' m going insane!

We' ve been seperate for almost a year. She' s been carrying on with her life, I' m just can' t get myself to come to grips with it. Our daughter is with her, and I maybe see her once a week for a few hours. Yesterday I had to reply to the first summons of divorce. I wish I could give my daughter everything she deserves, but simply can' t! I feel like I' m letting her down by not doing so. Everything is driving me completely crazy, so much so that I feel completely out of control with pain. The ' advice'  I get from friends and family doesn' t make me feel the same way it' s intended. I just want it all to stop. " How / what / why?"  is always flooding my thoughts. Seeing a doctor unfortunately isn' t an option, I just don' t have the funds after everythings been seen to. Gosh, I can carry on forever... What do I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Dear "Bonkers",

my mission is to help people look at a divorce not as a break up point in their lives but a change of directions. When we divorce and have children, our responsibility towards our children remains the same. The circumstances and the rhythm around them may be different, but our responsibility remains the same. There is no reason why you should feel that you cannot give her all she deserves. All she deserves is to be allowed to have both parents in her life and to be allowed to love them both, unconditionally. This is why it is of utmost importance, with your ex-wife, to put your daughter's needs first and ask of yourselves how, what you are doing - as in the battles that are being picked within the divorce procedure -, is best serving your daughter.
So, what do you do? You keep loving your daughter and most importantly, you try and come to an arrangement with her mother that will make every party happy. I f you couldn't make each other happy before, focus on how you can both agree to make your daughter happy, together, but in separate ways.

I wish you well


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Gugu | 2009-06-19

Im 34yrs have been with my husband for 16yrs ,6yrs in marriage and have two kids. My first child is a boy 10yrs and autistic and a 3yr old girl.I' ve reached a point where i feel im better of alone without a husband.The reason is sometimes i feel he is a burden in my life. He works at a retail store, he does' nt have a matric. The thing is sometimes i feel overwhelmed and drained. Im responsible for almost everything in the house, the bond, car, medical aid, groceries, school fees and the others. I don' t even have a helper and on top of that he is too controlling. When i do raise these concerns, he would say i know that he does not earn much. Off course i know but he does not even try to supplement his income. I feel like i have three kids including him. I just don' t know what to to. We never go out, i feel like im 60yrs.Pls advice.

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