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Question
Posted by: Lili | 2010/02/15

Fear of separation

I decided to separate from my husband this past Dec, but the truth is sometimes I' m sure I' ll do it and sometimes I' m just afraid. I need someone to hold my hand and tell me it' s going to be okay. I' m unemployed and e have 2 kids. We' ve been in a very unhappy marriage for a long time and I' m just tired of dealing with it. I' ve been struggling with an affair he had 4 yrs ago, every time I think abt it I still cry. I was treated like junk and I made a choice to stay. I' ve wondered thru the yrs if I' ll ever get over it, and I thought maybe if we separate and I can deal with this issues by myself and see if I want a divorce or not. It' s hard, of late I don' t think I still love my husband I just tolerate him. The other day when I asked him abt the affair he snapped at me and said get over it already it' s been so long. And that really shocked me.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe you first of all ened to see a counsellor or psychologist to work out more clearly what the problems are, and how best you can deal with them. You should indeed be able to get over the sad experiences you have had, especally with the proper expert help.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chris | 2010/02/16

My wife had an affair and when she told me I was devastated. I cracked and was in hospital for two weeks. Time is the only thing that will heal your feelings but to me it sounds that you have given up on him and WANT to leave him. It took me two years to get to the point where I forgave my wife for what she has done to me and to the other family. Maybe you must get help to work through the pain. Trust is gone and believe me, it doesn' t come back by itself!!

when grown-ups mess up their lives, work it out and get it over and done with. Do not let your kids suffer for they are not to blame!!!

Reply to Chris
Posted by: Lili | 2010/02/15

We have started seeing a counsellor something that I wanted us to do right after the affair and my husband didn' t want to. He agreed to go a year ago but he was always busy with this and that. Now that I' ve said maybe we should separate, he did make time to go and see a counsellor. I have no hope that we' ll be able to work through our problems, hopefully out therapist we' ll guide us on how to separate without any glitches.
I have thought about everything, am I going to miss him, how about my kids are they going to be okay with us leading separate lives, I' ve thought about a lot of things...hence i' m so afraid.

Reply to Lili
Posted by: did | 2010/02/15

i feel your pain am in same boat but have no guts to start a separation of divorce. how r u goin to manage? financially are you gettin a job what about if you divorce have you checked that legally u will be ok? who get s the kids etc? or have you not thought that far.

it is scary, there is no affair in my situation but it would seem we grew aparte

Reply to did
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/15

Maybe you first of all ened to see a counsellor or psychologist to work out more clearly what the problems are, and how best you can deal with them. You should indeed be able to get over the sad experiences you have had, especally with the proper expert help.

Reply to cybershrink

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