Our expert says:
Divorce support expert
I understand your conflict and wanting to do the right thing is often not aligned with what we feel.
The question here is not whether what he deserves or not, but what your children deserve and initially all children deserve to have both parents in their lives.
However, especially that your husband is abusive on many levels, gives you the right to set out certain terms, for your well being as well as your children's and with people like their father this can only be enforced correctly through legal action. It doesn't need to be ugly or expensive, but you can refuse that visitation is at your private address and given the young age of the children and his drinking problem visits could be organised as supervised until he can prove that he is addressing his problem and is willing to act as a responsible father. Mediation is a good way to start. Until then, have you got perhaps family or friends you could stay with to break the pattern of abuse and allow yourself to claim back your freedom and happiness.
You are right to not want to put with this any longer!
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