Our expert says:
The result of your standing up to him ( well done !) is fair --- its easier to change someone's behaviour than their opinions. The events may indeed have affected your relationships with men --- you may be more cautious, more inclined to expect them to be as controlling and uncaring as he was --- sometimes you'll be right in such assumptions, and sometimes you'll be wrong. The trouble with carrying forward such assumptions is the times when you're wrong. Rather than recognizing this as one of many possibilities within a relationship, by assuming it WILL be so, you may brush away the guys who could help to prove this assumption wrong, and stick longer with those who seem to prove it right.
CBT style counselling is well designed to examine such situations, and to give up unhelpful assumptions ( after testing them and establishing that they are, indeed, unhelpful ) and to develop more useful ways of forming relationships.
By selecting men who don't love you, and obviously so, you may feel you are avoiding the shock of discovering that someone you thought would love you, doesn't --- but you are , even more, avoiding discovering the folks who would, genuinely, love you for the right reasons.
It may well be that your abrasive relationship with your father taught you to assume that you don't deserve anything better, so you don't allow yourself more worthy and genuinely ( rather than superficially ) happy relationships.
CBT helps actually smart people, like you, to behave as smartly as they think.
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