Posted by: DontKnow | 2009-07-24

Father is a better Mother


I have 2 kids, 2 yrs and 7 months. My husband helps me out alot with the kids but he tends to want to be the mother as well. People always complement him about what a good father he is and tell me that I am lucky to have such a good husband. I dont know how to explain this, but he tends to make me feel like a bad mother, he does everything so well. The kids dont come to me anymore when they need something, they go to him. It jhas ended up that I feel I dont have to do anything, when i do something, even like making the baby to sleep, he wants to show me how to do it and what technique to use. He does everything so well, that i dont bother anymore. I feel like a bad mother.

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Our expert says:
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You are indeed lucky to have a father who takes such a keen interest in caring for his children, but he should not make you feel in any way inferior or displaced. Marriage counselling would seem like a very good idea. As Maria says, discuss this calmly with him --- maybe he doesn't realize how upsetting this is for you. Maybe you can plan better between you, so you both feel better about it. If previous attempts to discuss if have tended to end in argument, this is where the value of the counsellor would come in, to keep the discussion fair and productive / constructive. SOunds like somehow he is very proud of his abilities as a parent, and feels some strong need to prove him self superior in this way.

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Our users say:
Posted by: DontKnow | 2009-07-24

Thanks, I have tried to discuss it with him, but it usually ends up in an argument. I am afraid that after such a discussion he will start not helping me out at all. Having 2 small kids is very difficult and I had trouble coping with it at the beginning.

Reply to DontKnow
Posted by: Maria | 2009-07-24

DontKnow, the days of mom having certain roles and dad having certain roles are long gone. If you look on the parenting forum you will see women frequently blowing their tops because their partners does little or nothing in terms of child care. Most of them will tell you to be very grateful for what you' ve got. However I do see how this situation is making you feel inadequate. Have you sat down with your husband and calmly discussed this? Maybe write him a letter, or show him your post? This is a common problem, the gender is just usually reversed.

Reply to Maria

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