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Question
Posted by: Balloon girl | 2010/03/02

Fat face

Hi dearest CS, hope you are well.
On the one hand I''m so angry and frustrated at myself, yet on the other I''m angry at my colleague..then I''m ashamed that I''m angry at her because I''ve got no reason to be angry at her for saying that, it''s just the way she is, she probably did not mean to hurt me...yet i WAS hurt, it boils down to me having a very thin skin i suppose? I don''t know.

She (I''ll call her Heidi) asked me this morning whether I''m picking up weight, because it looks like my face is getting fatter.
eish, even typing that makes me blush!
I was feeling SO good today, until this incident. Why should it matter so much to me! Since Heidi''s words, my self-confidence has plummeted, so has my mood and sense of inner peace.

I didn''t know what to say to her, I just said no, I''m not gaining weight, because as far as I know I''m not, yet if my FACE is looking obese to Heidi, I must be getting enormous without noticing it? I feel so confused and ashamed and angry and doubtful and sad.

Yet it shouldn''t MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!

I was having a wonderful day, the day is STILL wonderful, objectively! I shouldn''t waste precious time and energy even typing this post nevermind fretting over my body and wanting to hide and starve for the rest of the week until Heidi thinks I''m thin again?!!! INSANE!!!!!!!!

Sorry for this rant, I can''t say I feel better having vented some of my emotions, maybe later on. Thanks for reading through it, it must have been tiring.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe this means you have more choice about whether o not to allow what someone else says o does, to hurt you, than you have so far chosen to exercise ?
Funny, isn't it, how some people genuinely think they are being kindly or helpful in saying something utterly useless and unhelpful like that ? who knows whats going on within Heidi that might make anyone look fater or thinner to her - the comment tells you something obscure about her, and not much about you.
Go back and redscover that great day you were having before being so rudely interrupted.
Now I think I'll just go and lie down for a while.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gracie | 2010/03/02

I work with a stick thin woman - extremely thin sickly looking is more like it - who is always telling me that I am overweight ... which I know for a fact I am not. She always comments that I look really fat on photographs & mdash - I know I have picked up a bit of weight in the past few years - I weigh 65 kg. I have realised that she is just jealous of the other women in the company and have taken her comments with a pinch of salt - they are not worth more. I am 47 yrs old but don''t look my age, have a really nice complexion and don''t have to wear make-up at all and then she will say to me that she really hates me because I have a nice skin. Just take it from who it comes & mdash - jealousy makes people nasty! I would not worry too much if I were you ... so what if you have picked up a bit of weight & mdash  tell her that you would refer to yourself voluptuous in all the right places LOL!!! Don''t let a nasty, spiteful, bitter and vindictive person spoil your wonderful day or mood ... people like her thrive on insulting other people and don''t give her the pleasure of seeing that she has upset your day ...

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/03/02

What absolute rubbish manners that girl has! I can understand your frustration and the same comment made to me would have sent my blood boiling instantly.

She''s a chick - and chicks care about weight, so I doubt whether she honestly thought it was an " innocent"  remark. So you have to wonder what was going on in her head to make her feel like hurting someone else. As CS points out, it was probably a lot less to do with you than about what is going on with her.

Just brush it off as nonsense from someone having a bad day, and try to have a good day regardless! You sound like a good person, so concentrate on that and ignore madam Bigmouth.
(you should have said, " rather a fat face than a fat lip!"  and then punched her in the mouth. hehe) Just kidding, I''m not advocating violence here!  )

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/02

Maybe this means you have more choice about whether o not to allow what someone else says o does, to hurt you, than you have so far chosen to exercise ?
Funny, isn't it, how some people genuinely think they are being kindly or helpful in saying something utterly useless and unhelpful like that ? who knows whats going on within Heidi that might make anyone look fater or thinner to her - the comment tells you something obscure about her, and not much about you.
Go back and redscover that great day you were having before being so rudely interrupted.
Now I think I'll just go and lie down for a while.

Reply to cybershrink

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