Posted by: Stressed | 2008-12-10

Family reuion after 13yrs

i am stressed shitless:
I have not seen/ been in contact with my brother for 13 yrs since we were separated by the welfare when we were young. My father lost the battle after serving in the force where my mom was cruelly murder. He nor my brother evr made peace within themselves...after 13yrs apart me and my brother will spend xmas with my dad- i cannot go through with it, i am too afraid... What gets to me more is the fact that he is rasist blaming africans seeing the terrorist which caused her death was..african. I am married to a Cape Malay Moslem, we have 2 lovely husband is not white. I do not know what to exspect on that side, i am so afraid. I am on the brink of not going and dissapointing then my dad who loves his grandkids so much... Please help me to get throught this, there must be a way.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Family Christmasses can be much more stressful than most people expect. Its really not a good time to bring together family members who have a history of conflict, for the first time in many years. Can't you arange to visit your dad, with the grandkids, at another time ? I like Maria's points --- I don't know what the geography of all this might be/ IS it possible to meet your brother, just the two of you, before Christmas, and check out how you both feel about it ? Discuss it, too, with your dad. And Anon's point is worth considering --- maybe this year go and see him and your father on your own, and take your husband and kids to see your father afterwards. Based on how the meeting goes, decide about a fuller family gathering in the future.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Stressed | 2008-12-11

Why will i do that. I am taking my family to spend xmas with their grandpa...Last night mt boet send me a message and i was even more upset seeing he cannot make it (he is saying that as he is very afraid as well). I weighted the two emotions, the one of afraidness and the other of dissapointment... He said that he do not have a problem with my hubby seeing he takes very good care of me and the kids...
I am going to go through with it... but i' ll keep my lilnk to cyberskrink with me.... just in case....

Reply to Stressed
Posted by: Anon | 2008-12-10

Go alone and left the rest of of yourfamily behind

Reply to Anon
Posted by: stressed | 2008-12-10

1. He is a stranger to me, i have strangly a fear of strange people- and it is worse seeing we are blood and we are strangers.
2. last time i saw him we left on bad foot seeing he blames the whole world for taking mum.
3. He stays very far away so meeting him before hand is impossible
4. he is rasist and yes, i am afraid he will not accept my family.

Reply to stressed
Posted by: Maria | 2008-12-10

I gather your fear is that your brother will reject or be rude to your husband and kids? Have you discussed this with your dad at all? Is it possible for you to meet your brother by yourself before Christmas and gauge his attitude before you bring him and your family together? 13 years is a long time and you' ve both (hopefully) grown up a lot.

Reply to Maria

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