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Question
Posted by: Hestia | 2012/03/22

family problems

hi. I wrote last year about an issue I have with my familiy.
My sisters (28 and 38) and my father and mother stayed in my house. Due to the fact that my boyfriend and myself planned to move in together at my house I had to request my sisters to get another place to stay. the flat in the back of the yard to be fixed for my parents. Needles to say there was big problems and since then my father does not even speak to me however called me a whore in letters and sms''s he sent me. My sisters and father moved out beginning of Feb. Of cource damaging my property ect.
It got so bad that I had to go to the court to get a protection order against my father. This was a difficult decision and I still feel guilty that I had to do this to my father. However I could not handle the emotional abuse any longer. Since then it is worse as the family is now even turning against my mother (still staying with us) My sister (38 ) who stayed with us have a little boy. now about 6 years old. My sister now does not want my mother or myself to have any contact with him. My mother is now getting very depressed and I do not know how to handle this. He stayed in the same house as us since he was 6 months old. How do I get my sister to understand that it is influencing my mothers health because she does not get to see him. I do not want her to be punished for something they think I did wrong. Also I do not feel it is fair against the boy not seeing his grandmother whome he is so fond of? Surely it will influence him later? I can not handle seeing my mother going through this pain. I can not think of anything I can say or do to get everything better. Sorry for the long post.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If your father is so crudely and selfishly rude to you, he doesn't deserve any help from you. Don't allow yourself to feel at all guilty about having got him to move out or for having got a court order protecting you against him - he is himself completely responsible for that.
Any family members foolish enough to side with him don't deserve to be taken seriously by you.
I don't quite understand about your sister - is she actually still staying with you, but refusing to allow you or your mother to speak with her child ? That's ridiculous, and she should not be allowed to stay if she insists on such insulting conditions. If she is now staying somewhere else, maybe she's sulking because of that, and needs to remember that the important thing is what is best for the child, not whether she can enjoy being spiteful.
Maybe you should explore whether your mother can see a counsellor to help her understand and adapt to this sad situation

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Pain | 2012/03/22

This story is too complicated, not sure what you did what your mom did what your two sisters did. The only thing that is clear is the fight you had with your dad. I guess you will do what is right.

Reply to Pain
Posted by: Maria | 2012/03/22

If you have the money your mother could go to court and try to get an access court order. The court does grant such orders if you can prove that it is in the child''s best interests to have contact with his grandmother, and that he is being harmed by being denied that contact. It is so sad when adults use children as a weapon.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/22

If your father is so crudely and selfishly rude to you, he doesn't deserve any help from you. Don't allow yourself to feel at all guilty about having got him to move out or for having got a court order protecting you against him - he is himself completely responsible for that.
Any family members foolish enough to side with him don't deserve to be taken seriously by you.
I don't quite understand about your sister - is she actually still staying with you, but refusing to allow you or your mother to speak with her child ? That's ridiculous, and she should not be allowed to stay if she insists on such insulting conditions. If she is now staying somewhere else, maybe she's sulking because of that, and needs to remember that the important thing is what is best for the child, not whether she can enjoy being spiteful.
Maybe you should explore whether your mother can see a counsellor to help her understand and adapt to this sad situation

Reply to cybershrink

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