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Question
Posted by: Sad Sack | 2010/12/04

Family problems

Hi there, I''m 49 + divorced (ex living overseas with bf.) I''ve always got on well with my in-laws even after the divorce. But now things have changed since I,m dating a coloured lady. She is 45 with no children, very attractive, warm, sensual, very intelligent, friendly + caring about other people. I intend to marry her - her family have accepted me + all like me. But ex in-laws i.e. also sisters + brother in law make no secret that they don''t like me dating her. Even my own family except for my daughter don''t approve because of her colour + they make me feel rejected. I have no intention of breakin it off with her but I would also still like to have a good relationship with the rest of my family. Should I just disregard their attitude or stay away from them or what should I do? Breaking off with her out of the question. Family are trying to make me choose between her + them. It''s so unfair because we are very compatible + very happy together. The whole thing makes me sad.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

I think you answered your own question when you say breaking up is out of the question. Keep in mind that the 'colour thing' can be a problem for people (afrikaans versus english is still a problem for some after a 100 years!). It is however you who lives with the choice and if she is a good women, compatible and you want to marry her, that is what you do! THey will learn to love her for who she is, and if they are not willing to give her a chnace -it is their loss. Both of you must however make peace with the fact that some will accept you and some will reject you. A good relationship is worth fighting for if you are sure of your choice. Deidre - SASHA

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: KieKie | 2010/12/09

The Dr is right.
also, there will always be the story of the horse and the zebra !!

Reply to KieKie
Posted by: A man | 2010/12/06

I know what you mean Sad Sack, I am in a similar situation. I am 51 &  3.5 years ago I became seriously involved with a coloured woman. Her family accepted me completely right from the start, but my so called friends &  family is another story. Some of my family accepts her, but some of them treat her like she is an alien. People who I used to call friends do not even talk to me now. It''s pathetic how people judge others on their colour, they seem to think that people of another colour do not have feelings. She is the best thing that happened to me and I am happier than I have ever been with other women, she is also by far the best lover I have ever had. I too have NO intention of giving her up, so if my friends &  family cannot accept that, then they are not worth having in my life.

Reply to A man
Posted by: Tk | 2010/12/05

Hi.you are in a very difficult situation. Bt what i dont get is,if she is all that.How come she is disliked by so many people?Perhaps she has a negativ attitud towards dem n dey can sense it.If not gv dem tym, dey wil come around 1by1.Look on da brite side,yo daughter lyks her jst imagine if she hated her.

Reply to Tk
Posted by: sexologist | 2010/12/05

I think you answered your own question when you say breaking up is out of the question. Keep in mind that the 'colour thing' can be a problem for people (afrikaans versus english is still a problem for some after a 100 years!). It is however you who lives with the choice and if she is a good women, compatible and you want to marry her, that is what you do! THey will learn to love her for who she is, and if they are not willing to give her a chnace -it is their loss. Both of you must however make peace with the fact that some will accept you and some will reject you. A good relationship is worth fighting for if you are sure of your choice. Deidre - SASHA

Reply to sexologist

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