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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2010/07/06

Family matters

Hi

My boyfrend and I have been dating for two years and living together for more than a year and it has been great but ... his family have always been an issue in the relationship because he always disregards me when it comes to them. Last year October, an arguement broke out between me and his brother. His brother hit me, swore at me and insulted me in the most hurtful ways - he spoke to him but the brother still was unapologetic but I was expected to get over it immediately because it''s his brother. We now have problems in the relationship because I feel he struggled to stand up for me in that situation and I want nothing to do with his brother. Am I being unreasonable?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If his family is being so violent and unpleasant, and he fails to stand up for you - why indeed are you still with such an immature guy ? Its not you who are being unreasonable in objecting to their crass behaviour

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Our users say:
Posted by: Excuse me | 2010/07/07

Anonymous please ignore this pathetic looser called Anon! it''s probably the younger brother who posted this so just calm down and ignore this piece of work.

Reply to Excuse me
Posted by: Anon | 2010/07/06

Meant to say maybe you deserved to be sworn at cause maybe you were being a BITHC. He should not have hit you thou. But maybe you also just exaggerating. I will choose my family over my partner anyday. They stood by me through everything and were there when I needed them. And still are! Blood is so much thicker than water. I love my GF but shes also runs when her father calls, she can leave me at an event to do somethign for them. So thats why I put my family before her and she knows it!! Maybe you do the same girl but you just dont see it.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Anon | 2010/07/06

Maybe you deserved it!!!

Reply to Anon
Posted by: MAN | 2010/07/06

Run girl, you are worth much better than the trash you are involved with. We all make mistakes in choices. Accept it, cut your losses and live a life worth living.

Reply to MAN
Posted by: excuse me | 2010/07/06

I guess you''ve got something to ponder on....a true man will put his life on the line for his woman!

Reply to excuse me
Posted by: Anonymous | 2010/07/06

I am not expecting them to stop being brothers but I expect him to understand that I would like nothing to do with his brother and that I also expect him, as my boyfriend, to support me when I need to vent. I feel very uncomfortable around him and have had unpleasant dreams about it as well. My boyfriend and his family says that the brother''s nature is like that and they love and accept him and I must learn to get used to him. I refuse to learn to get used to violent behaviour. Some of his family members have even accused me of trying to get in between them and breaking up the family and have said that I have stone heart and I am unforgiving. I have tried to tell my boyfriend that maybe I should not be around his family then if this is some of the perceptions and besided we are not even married and he still thinks I am being hurtful towards him.

I guess it even hurts that someone can hit me and in 3 days he tells me to get over it. I even wonder, what if he had raped me - would I be told ''get over it, he is my brother and i love him?'' and what if it was another man on the street who had done this? would he fight for me? would he protect me or is he just not passionate enough about me.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Paul | 2010/07/06

The brother''s conduct were extremely wrong, he should have apologized and showed remorse.

If your decision was to say with your BF even though you feel he neglected you, how do you then plan to deal with the relationship with his brother? They obviously won''t stop being brothers

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Excuse me | 2010/07/06

did you say HIT? this is absolutely unacceptable! your man should''ve killed his brother for that and you are expected to get over it - am sorry uh uh, it don''t work like that! you are right in not wanting to have anything to do with his brother!

Reply to Excuse me
Posted by: Maria | 2010/07/06

If your bf won''t put you first, especially if his family is assaulting you, why are you still in this relationship? It''s not going to change.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/07/06

If his family is being so violent and unpleasant, and he fails to stand up for you - why indeed are you still with such an immature guy ? Its not you who are being unreasonable in objecting to their crass behaviour

Reply to cybershrink

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