Our expert says:
YOu may be too understanding in ways that are unhelpful to your mother, and maybe too helpful to the young guy who may be exploiting her. Don't give her money, as it seems likely HE will use it ( do you even know in whose name the car is registered ? His or hers ? ) If you want to contribute to a house for her ( is the house your uncle donated not suitable ? ) let her make the arangements, ensuring it remains in her name and ownership, and pay the builders, so she receives the benefit but not in cash he can access.
The home situation my be upsetting your sister, but that's no excuse for her to lie to her family, and, frankly, to steal money given to her for her tuition - ahaion,the money should have been paid to the school, not directly to her.
This way you reduce people's temptation to use money irresponsibly, while still giving them benefits.
You're right that the way your mother is treating your sister is hardly likely to improve things at all.
Do try hard to stop feeling guilty about things which OTHER people do.
For some reason ( if she is worried about being HIV* this could be part of it ) your mother sounds like she's in denial. She sounds as though she has actually been a very strong woman in earlier life crises, but now wishes to pretend theings are just OK, and to enjoy herself, without being responsible as she used to be
I do hope other readers can contribute some helpful comments here
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