advertisement
Question
Posted by: Confursed | 2011/04/06

Family, death and money

I don''t know if this is the right place to ask for advice, but here goes.
4 months ago my father in law passed away in my house. When he got sick my mother in law cried that she can not handle it anymore and I suggested they stay with us for 1 week. In the mean time he was admitted to hospital again. My mother in law did not want us to take him to the nearest government hospital which was 20km away. She wanted to take him to his original goverment hospital which is 65 km away - emergency or not. The daughter did not want to take them in because of the above reason of the wife. I was the closest. Everybody agreed to help financially. In the end I am sitting with all the financial burdens. When he was still alive, I had to pay for everything (groceries etc) for 3 months. The water and electricity accounts started coming in at the end of January. Triple the amount that I am used to and do not earn that much every month. Now I am financially in very hot water due to that. I have been called a stingy bitch, white trash, I was accused of not providing for either one of them with food and the mother apparently (according to accusations) lost 10 kg in 3 weeks.
In the mean time my husband is sitting right in the middle of it all. With all that happend I do not want my mother in law or sister in law in my house which I see as my safe place. My sister in law threatened to do bodily harm to me if I refuse her entry into my house. And she will do it. As been in bar fights before.
Help. Any help. With all that is happening, I asked them all to help financially but was said I only wanted to make money out of the death of her father. I also said things that could have been left unsaid, but nothing as bad as they have.
Please help

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Disgraceful to all the other family members who promised to help, financially and otherwise, and then failed to do so. It is not reasonable ( nor, it seems, possible ) to expect you to pay all the bills - presumably for the parental house and the mother ? Tell your greedy sister in law to pay her share of the financial burden, and that if she comes to your house, you will call the police and lay criminal mcharges against her, and remind her that threatening to harm someone is in itself a criminal offense. And go to court and get an interdict against her.
How can they think that you are making money out of paying the family debts ? Is there money in your father's estate that could repay you ( keep careful records of all you have spent on him and mother both before and after his death ) ? And make sure debtors including the municipality are informed that he has died and the estate is not yet settled.
As Liza says, you must discuss this with your husband, who should be much morwe actively protecting you and stopping all this nonsense by his family.
Actually, I don't understand how in any way the council or others would consider YOU responsible for your father in law's or his estate's debts ? surely the debtor must be his estate / his executor, and his DIRECT family.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

3
Our users say:
Posted by: Soul | 2011/04/06

If this debt is in your name you will be held liable to pay it off, however if it''s not let your sister in law pay it off, sorry but it''s her mother and you and your hubby have done more than enough for them.

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Liza | 2011/04/06

Can I come and stay over for 3 weeks? Would love to lose 10 kg! LOL - sorry couldn''t resist.

So the problem is that you helped out and now they''re blaming you for not helping out enough? Some people just don''t know how to be grateful. You really have to discuss this with your husband. If you don''t want your sister-in-law and mother-in-law to come to your house, it should be a joint decision. I would suggest that if you''re scared of the sister-in-law - get an interdict against her. That way she''ll get locked up if she even comes close.

As for the financial part of it, they will not help out and it''s rather difficult to force them to. The easiest and cheapest way to try and do this is to take them to small claims court. Suing them without small claims court would be prohibitively expensive. I would suggest that you make an arrangement at the council to pay off the high account. The arrangement should include the interest charged on arrears plus a little bit to reduce the arrears(even if it''s just R50) plus the bill for the previous month. If you cannot afford to do even this, it means that you''re over-indebted and might need to discuss your options with a debt counselor.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/06

Disgraceful to all the other family members who promised to help, financially and otherwise, and then failed to do so. It is not reasonable ( nor, it seems, possible ) to expect you to pay all the bills - presumably for the parental house and the mother ? Tell your greedy sister in law to pay her share of the financial burden, and that if she comes to your house, you will call the police and lay criminal mcharges against her, and remind her that threatening to harm someone is in itself a criminal offense. And go to court and get an interdict against her.
How can they think that you are making money out of paying the family debts ? Is there money in your father's estate that could repay you ( keep careful records of all you have spent on him and mother both before and after his death ) ? And make sure debtors including the municipality are informed that he has died and the estate is not yet settled.
As Liza says, you must discuss this with your husband, who should be much morwe actively protecting you and stopping all this nonsense by his family.
Actually, I don't understand how in any way the council or others would consider YOU responsible for your father in law's or his estate's debts ? surely the debtor must be his estate / his executor, and his DIRECT family.

Reply to cybershrink

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement