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Question
Posted by: Mary | 2010/02/21

family and inlaws

What should one do when your mom in law attacks you verbally? She could not give facts, she was very rude, accused me of things i have no idea of, my fiance was kind of coming to my defense. I really liked his mom, in fact if i needed advice i could talk to her, we got along quite well this is the first time she has ever came out so derogatory towards me. In fact i got insults left right and center.

When she threw insults at me her son would say, no need to get rude and then laugh, the whole time he was making light of the situation and laughing so that i would not feel that bad.

In this whole argument, especially in the beginning, she never gave me a chance to talk or defend myself, that even her own son said its a two-way street. Eventually at the end i could speak, but she was still very rude.

I did do something to her as a joke two weeks ago, ''''she asked me if i love her son and i said this is how much i love your son and this is how much i love you'''' and i smeared butter on their faces. We all laughed and they both smeared butter back in my face. Apparently she did not like it. I admit that i should not have smeared butter in his mom's face.

However my fiance has not spoken to me since the arguement. He said in his sms, ''''he needs to be alone and do some soul searching''''.

Should i keep my distance completely and move on with my life? Do you think my fiance handled things well? Or should there be a level of expectation as the man thats going to be my husband?

Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe it didn't work out as he hoped, but it sounds as though your fiancee was trying to make light of this, and to let you be less upset, and to calm his mother down.

I was going to wonder why she got so cross, but smearing butter on their faces is about the most daft thing I've heard of for a long time - you surely didn't think she would LIKE it or find it funny ? Wouldn't it be sensible, anway, for you to contact her to apologise about the mutter episode, and to emphaize how much you appreciated her friendship and advice and how much you don't want to spoil that ? IT might make her feel more comfortable, and maybe even help her to apologise to you.

Maybe he could have handled it better, but at least he tried. YOu don't mention yourself trying to apologise or make it up to his mother for assaulting her with butter.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cool guy | 2010/02/22

if he cant stand up for you now then he wont have the balls to stand up for you when you married. Whether you where right or wrong he should have stood by you, as his is the protector.

Don''t compromise on something you desperately need and want in a man becasue you are guaranteed to be unhappy in the relationship.

You have every reason to be concerned and upset, think of it this way better you found out now than when you where married.

Just something for you to think of. Also you need to ask yourself is he worth the trouble? Do you love him? Dont make the mistake by thinking you love him so you need to tolerate his moms SHIT or him not been able to be therefore you.

Also ask yourself has he been therefore you in this whole ordeal? When you needed a shoulder to cry on was he there?

Reply to cool guy
Posted by: Kim | 2010/02/22

I agree that the butter story was a bit disrepectful. But then again butter or no butter she would have found something else to " attack"  you. My friend this is a start to a very long difficult relationship. Read the past posts of in-laws, it is hectic and the sons hardly ever stand by their wives side. Good luck!

Reply to Kim
Posted by: catch | 2010/02/22

Some story, you right your future husband is suppose to be on your defense 100%.

The butter story, you should not have done such a thing in the first place and she should not have put butter on your face if she felt offended. Apologise and tell her to lighten up and move on in life.

Soul searching? Well, his loyalties is pretty clear, not contacting you because of his mom is immature, a lot of growing up to do.

This is something you need to work at as she will be your future mom in law, dont keep your distance it will make matters worse, his mom also needs to apologies for been rude. You need to demand for facts as it could be her son telling her things about you.

My advice don''t let things slide sort it out and speak to his mom. you also need to know where your future husband stands. No women wants to be with a man that cannot defend and protect her. so you have every reason to be upset. But be reasonable!

Reply to catch
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/21

Maybe it didn't work out as he hoped, but it sounds as though your fiancee was trying to make light of this, and to let you be less upset, and to calm his mother down.

I was going to wonder why she got so cross, but smearing butter on their faces is about the most daft thing I've heard of for a long time - you surely didn't think she would LIKE it or find it funny ? Wouldn't it be sensible, anway, for you to contact her to apologise about the mutter episode, and to emphaize how much you appreciated her friendship and advice and how much you don't want to spoil that ? IT might make her feel more comfortable, and maybe even help her to apologise to you.

Maybe he could have handled it better, but at least he tried. YOu don't mention yourself trying to apologise or make it up to his mother for assaulting her with butter.

Reply to cybershrink

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