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Question
Posted by: Kay | 2010/03/09

family advice

Good Morning Doc
Some advice please?
We are going to a family prayer at my folks home. My brother has stated that he wont attend if I am there with my husband. They dont get along. Now I stay in a different city and my brother stays in the same city as my dad.
I booked plane tickets specifically for this function. My father phoned me last week to tell me about my brothers reaction.
Wanting to be the bigger person and not stress my dad out, i told him that we will see him after the prayer. My husband is very enthusiastic to help and be involved in the prayer. Question: Do I tell my hubby what has transpired or do I just find a way to go after the prayer has been finished?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I responded the other time you posted this question.
I rather agree with purple, that your father should speak to your brother and suggest that he should at least simulate being an adult.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2010/03/09

This is your brothers issue.
Surely your father could have avoided stressing you out by telling your brother that he is an adult and should start behaving like one, and if he chooses not to attend, then he is the one who loses out as you''ll all carry on without him and have a good time.
Then your dad needn''t have mentioned anything to you at all - he is just fuelling the fire.

If I were you, I''d go along and not say anything to my husband. However, you might like to make a point of seeing your brother privately while you are in the area (maybe just arrive at his house unannounced) and trying to discuss his childish behaviour with him. Tell him you are upset and why and then tell him that you are going to continue to live your lives and whether he chooses to take part or not, whatever his selfish reasons are, you aren''t interested, but that when he grows up, he''s welcome to join in family functions where you and your husband are present, but that you are not going to stop attending just because he behaves like a 6 year old (I have a six year old, this is exactly what 6 year olds do and say).

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/03/09

I responded the other time you posted this question.
I rather agree with purple, that your father should speak to your brother and suggest that he should at least simulate being an adult.

Reply to cybershrink

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