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Question
Posted by: c | 2010/06/21

Family

My Father passed away recently... After we started packing away stuff I noticed that alot of his personal items have dissapeared...Only one person had a key to his house  she was taking care of the dogs while he was in hospital..Now it bothers me that a family member can steale stuff and just take it... I mean he trusted her with his house and his belonings..before he went into the hospital all of the stuff was in the house.... Do I confront her about it? i am sick to my stomach about how u can steal from a dying person.... How do I get over this feeling ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its a tragic thouht, but sadly i does indeed happen, and much more often than people think or expect. I have known families torn apart by such behaviours, before and after wills are read. It will probably be impossible for you to ignore this, and it will rankle and trouble you for a long time unless you try to do something about this.
But try to avoid the fashionable idea of "confrontation" - it puts a person's back up, and you end up knowing less than you did before, and with progress even harder to find.
What do other readers suggest as an approach ? YOu could speak to her, saying that you are starting to sort through his belongings and a number of things seem to be missing - is it possible that she borrowed some of them, or moved them, during the time she had access to his home ? Could she perhaps help you to locate them ? Maybe ti depends in part on what went missing - valuable monetarily ( eg jewellery ) or sentimentally ( like family photographs ) ; large ( the gran piano is missing ) or small ( a beermug ) ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Jordan | 2010/06/21

So sorry to hear of your dads passing. You would be amazed at what people will do. It''s a sickness, I think.
I think its like an addiction, they just feel better when they steal.
Don''t take it personally, that person would probably feel terrible if they knew it had this effect on you. But they don''t think.
Try to make peace with it otherwise you will never get over your dads passing.
Accept it for what it is. Just a sick person, fullfilling their needs. Just like an addiction.

Reply to Jordan
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/06/21

Its a tragic thouht, but sadly i does indeed happen, and much more often than people think or expect. I have known families torn apart by such behaviours, before and after wills are read. It will probably be impossible for you to ignore this, and it will rankle and trouble you for a long time unless you try to do something about this.
But try to avoid the fashionable idea of "confrontation" - it puts a person's back up, and you end up knowing less than you did before, and with progress even harder to find.
What do other readers suggest as an approach ? YOu could speak to her, saying that you are starting to sort through his belongings and a number of things seem to be missing - is it possible that she borrowed some of them, or moved them, during the time she had access to his home ? Could she perhaps help you to locate them ? Maybe ti depends in part on what went missing - valuable monetarily ( eg jewellery ) or sentimentally ( like family photographs ) ; large ( the gran piano is missing ) or small ( a beermug ) ?

Reply to cybershrink

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