Posted by: Eileen | 2013-02-04

False freinds have hurt my mom

My mom lives in a complex and she is a pretty private person. Early 70''s.

The one lady started visiting her and they became good friends.

This person''s circle consists of 3 other women who then started visiting and staying for long periods having tea and biscuits. My mom saw them as real friends.

Now one of the circle has come back from an extended holiday and suddenly my mom is ignored. She is very hurt but won''t say anything. I feel like saying something I really do.

The initial one is still friends but the other 2 (since their friend is back) now do not bother with her and have not invited her to join any of the activities although when their friend was away many plans were made.

My mom has never trusted people easily (with good reason) and she is slow to make friends. Now this.

I guess she was just a good substitute whilst their pal was away.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds distressing, but "saying something" can also backfire. From your message, she apparently still has her initial friend, and its a couple of others who have decided to spend their time diffferently - life happens like that. Maybe there are other people accessable where she lives, who might become better and more reliable friends ?
Maybe encourage her to speak gently to the one whi is still friendly, and just ask what happened to the others ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Eileen | 2013-02-04

Hi All

Thank you for the replies.
Yes, I am not going to say anything at all.
I just hate seeing my mom disappointed and used.
I do actively seek out my mom''s company and we do a lot of things together and have fun together and are very close - there is some jealousy around that.
I will let it blow over by itself but it makes me so mad GGRrrrrrrrr
Funny enough we are moving and I think to myself that we shall soon see who the real friend is - the one that comes to visit or does not.

Reply to Eileen
Posted by: Purple | 2013-02-04

Its sad to see your mom going through this, but surely by this age she can manage her own friendships? If she wants to take the matter up with them she can, but if you do so wouldn''t that be interfering in her life and cause her some embarassment?

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Maria | 2013-02-04

It is said that wisdom comes with age but sometimes age comes alone. The same could be said for compassion. It''s so sad that these women treated your mom shabbily, but I really don''t think talking to them will make any difference. You can maybe chat to the one who is still friends with your mom and try to find out if there is a reason behind the others'' behaviour. Apart from that, just give your mom lots of love and support.

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