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Question
Posted by: NK | 2012/03/21

Falling for the wrong MAN

Good morning Doc

I have this problem of falling so hard for the guys that are already in serious relationtships,but there is this one guy who is so into me,but everytime he wants to meet with me i would agree but when i seat down and think about it i always get second thoughts and end up making an excuse and end up not meeting with him,the only times that i''ve actually spent some time with him is when he would just call me and say he is outside my flat then I would go to him,
Just yesterday I was suppose to go to his place and i was all excited about it but while i was busy preparing myself i just decided that NO I am not going and sent him an sms making some excuse abt my friends and I did''nt go anywhere,I jst set in my place
The thing is my heart is with someone else and that other person is already in a committed relationship...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Let's se. Unless they lie to you consistently, from the start, you KNOW that they are already married or in a committed relationship. Or, at the very least, you have no clear certainty that they are NOT so committed. SO this unhelpful pattern isn't accidental or unavoidable.
Then, the issue is WHY do you continue to make these choices which you well know will end in failure and unhappiness for you and likely unhappiness for others, such as innocent wices / girl-friends, even children ? Also, you know for a certainty that a guy who is happy to cheat on his partner with you, will be just as happy to cheat on you with someone else.
Maybe there's a clue in the way you speak of this one guy as "so into you". A man having an affair pays for the sex by trying to seem "into you" in other ways as well. Do you have low self-esteem, feeling that nobody else could be interested in you ? If not, why not concentrate on getting to know honest guys who are not lying to someone else by meeting you ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Me too | 2012/03/21

I can relate to what you are saying. I do the same. I know from the start it is going to make me unhappy, but I still go on. Problem is that this is leading to a dead end. You will always be alone and never happy. I am also trying to brake this terrible habit. Im working very hard on my self esteem and I know I will find Mr Right and be happy. Good luck to you.

Reply to Me too
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/21

Let's se. Unless they lie to you consistently, from the start, you KNOW that they are already married or in a committed relationship. Or, at the very least, you have no clear certainty that they are NOT so committed. SO this unhelpful pattern isn't accidental or unavoidable.
Then, the issue is WHY do you continue to make these choices which you well know will end in failure and unhappiness for you and likely unhappiness for others, such as innocent wices / girl-friends, even children ? Also, you know for a certainty that a guy who is happy to cheat on his partner with you, will be just as happy to cheat on you with someone else.
Maybe there's a clue in the way you speak of this one guy as "so into you". A man having an affair pays for the sex by trying to seem "into you" in other ways as well. Do you have low self-esteem, feeling that nobody else could be interested in you ? If not, why not concentrate on getting to know honest guys who are not lying to someone else by meeting you ?

Reply to cybershrink

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