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Question
Posted by: Jane | 2010-05-28

Falling apart

I am a 33 years old woman and have been married for 5 years to someone I do not think I ever loved but pittied, why because early on in our relationship I found out he was HIV positive and I felt sorry to leave him as he was so sweet and caring. He has always promised to improve his life but it never got improved. As time went we decided to have children and now we have two lovely girls who adore their father. With the ARV the sex has gone down the drain as he finishes quicly and the penis has sort of shrinked.

I have siggested mans clinick but he always have excuses of why he has not gone yet thinhgs like the boys say this is all in a mans mind. We have not had sex in 6 months.

Being the kind of man that he is an ostrich he sticks his had na and hopes to find the problem gone when he takes it out, we never talk about how I feel about his status, finances, sex life or things in general. When we have spoken it is when I ask what do you want to eat? things like that.

I have for a long period been suggesting divorce and he agrees then becomes an Ostrich again, I feel like he is doing this knowing that I will feel sorry for him and let the matter go.
I can go on and on about this please help me, I have sought counselling before but I am still where I was 6 years ago or worse.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Mmm. Pity is never a good basis for marriage, is it ? The nature of his sexual problems are not to be guessed, and he should indeed see a suitable expert / doc for assessment and advice on what might be done. The mind surely does play a part in such things, but so do medical and medication-related factors.
Would he consider joining you in marriage counselling sessions to explore all your joint issues ? It doesn't sound as though your previous counselling proved all that helpful - maybe it lacked an appropriate focus ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: niki | 2010-05-28

Do you mind telling me how you had children with an HIV partner i would like to know is it possible without becoming infected yourself? I am not being forward my friend is in same situation and would love to have kids but is scared obviously of being infected

Reply to niki
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-05-28

Mmm. Pity is never a good basis for marriage, is it ? The nature of his sexual problems are not to be guessed, and he should indeed see a suitable expert / doc for assessment and advice on what might be done. The mind surely does play a part in such things, but so do medical and medication-related factors.
Would he consider joining you in marriage counselling sessions to explore all your joint issues ? It doesn't sound as though your previous counselling proved all that helpful - maybe it lacked an appropriate focus ?

Reply to cybershrink

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