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Question
Posted by: WWW | 2010-09-27

Fair? always spending time with partner''s family

Hi there Doctor,

Could you please tell me if I am over reacting?

Is it fair that my fiancé  and myself always spend time with his family over Christmas? His family owns a house down at the coast, but still…  what about my family?

Thank you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This is the wsort of thing that needs to be negotiated between you. What is important to him ? Does he take your concerns and needs into acount ? Is it more important to him to spend Christmas at a nice place on the coast, or with either family ? Doesn't he want to get to know your family ? Does he actually plan a long-term relationship with you ?

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Happiness | 2010-09-28

Communication in a relationship can never be over emphasised. Talk to him, negotiate, sacrifice but make sure the solution accomodates both of you or else resentment will come later.

I love spending Christmas at home and every year, so we negotiated that since hubby is not really a christmas person, we can visit his home during the year. Sometimes we go more to his place than mine in a year but I don''t mind because Christmas is mine, all mine.

Reply to Happiness
Posted by: qwerty | 2010-09-28

For myself and my husband, and in fact every other married couple I know, the rule of thumb is one year your parents, the next year mine. You can always go spend some time with his parents just before or just after Christmas, but something''s gotta give.

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-09-27

This is the sort of thing that needs to be negotiated between you. What is important to him ? Does he take your concerns and needs into acount ? Is it more important to him to spend Christmas at a nice place on the coast, or with either family ? Doesn't he want to get to know your family ? Does he actually plan a long-term relationship with you ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-09-27

This is the wsort of thing that needs to be negotiated between you. What is important to him ? Does he take your concerns and needs into acount ? Is it more important to him to spend Christmas at a nice place on the coast, or with either family ? Doesn't he want to get to know your family ? Does he actually plan a long-term relationship with you ?

Reply to cybershrink

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