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Question
Posted by: George | 2012-03-05

Facebook disaster

I have been chatting to an old schoolfriend on Facebook. It got out of hand and we said really sexual things to each other. My wife managed to get into my Facebook account and she said the messages that were sent between me and this other woman. I made a big mistake in getting into a conversation with this person and I regret it, but how will I get my wife to trust me again? I am in the process of deleting my Facebook account as it is really a lot of nonsense in any event. This other was is divorced and she lives overseas, so it is not as if we would ever get together and live out the fantasies we shared on FB. My wife is really hurt and upset with me. I have apologised to her and we spent hours discussing it last night, I cannot believe the things I said to this other woman and I deeply regret hurting my wife so much. I told this woman that I could not bear my wife to touch me etc. My wife is very, very hurt. What can I do to make things better? I would never leave my wife for another woman, especially not an old schoolfriend who I have not see or heard from in years. I am ashamed of myself and I need to do whatever it takes to make things right with my wife. Thank you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Yes, that was indeed out of hand. You can't "get| your wife to trust you again ; you may help her to do so by being strictly trustworthy. and maybe with some marriage counselling to sort out the issues involved here, which must be more than simple Facebook Foolishness.
From what you quote yourself as saying, of course your wife would be deeply hurt. And why on earth are so many people deluded that what they do or say on Facebook is somehow private, rather than something that could reveal itself at any time ? As CC saysm NEVER EVER say anything online, in any format, that you wouldn't be content to say out loud in front of anyone interested, or to have on a poster on your front door.
We can't tell you what your wife might need to begin to take the chance of trusting you again - only she, maybe, could tell you that.

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: George | 2012-03-05

Thanks people - long road ahead, but we will get there hopefully.

Reply to George
Posted by: CC | 2012-03-05

Dear George,
Are you sorry that you did it, or sorry that you wife found out? You could have lived with yourself after writing it in the event that your wife didn''t found out, coudn''t you? Well, I got divorced because of that exact reason. There is something about the anonimity of the internet to make people do things they wouldn''t normally. My husband did the same you did, and believe me when I say it hurt more than you could ever imagine. I believe you knew it was wrong when you did it, but you did it anyway because you believed your wife would never find out, right? Well, best I can say is go to a therapist, and don''t appologize all the time - it just make it worse! Let your actions show that you are trustworthy, not only your words, and get ready for a long wait for forgiveness. If things were reversed how would you feel? I''m not judging, just trying to make it clear how much it really affect the other partner. Also, I have a rule in my house about internet... If you not willing to say something or write something about someone when they can read what you say, you shouldnt'' write it when they not present either. Can''t say much more, but good luck.

Reply to CC
Posted by: Shar | 2012-03-05

I know that feeling George. Been there where your wife is now. The truth is, it takes a long time to trust again!!!!!
We all make mistakes, but unfaithfulness, even if not enacted, is painfull.
Give your wife lots of time and patience and shower her with lotsa love

Reply to Shar
Posted by: George | 2012-03-05

Apologies for my spelling and other mistakes, but I am really upset and very angry with myself for being so stupid!

Reply to George
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012-03-05

Yes, that was indeed out of hand. You can't "get| your wife to trust you again ; you may help her to do so by being strictly trustworthy. and maybe with some marriage counselling to sort out the issues involved here, which must be more than simple Facebook Foolishness.
From what you quote yourself as saying, of course your wife would be deeply hurt. And why on earth are so many people deluded that what they do or say on Facebook is somehow private, rather than something that could reveal itself at any time ? As CC saysm NEVER EVER say anything online, in any format, that you wouldn't be content to say out loud in front of anyone interested, or to have on a poster on your front door.
We can't tell you what your wife might need to begin to take the chance of trusting you again - only she, maybe, could tell you that.

Reply to cybershrink

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