Posted by: Tania | 2012-12-03

Ex''s Child

Good Morning Doc

I''ve just recently started dating this guy, i enjoy his company very much, he stays in his parents house so he comes over to my place over the weekends, over the weekend we''ve had an argument about his Ex''s Child that he supposed to pick up at the bus station,mind you this child is not his. So my question was why is he going through all this trouble for an Ex''s Child,he does''nt have a car so he had to go to an ATM to withdraw the money then call and pay the cab to pick up the child, in the middle of the night.

When he was done with all this he came to bed all lovey dovey but i rejected him now this morning he is the one who is not talking to i being unreasonable for not understanding his relationship with his Ex''s Child???

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Our expert says:
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Well, maybe this situation is understandable, but not on the information supplied here. Presumably rather than just rowing about it, you and he actually discuss this ?
Good respopnses from our readers. As Maria says, it very much depends on whether over any extended period of time in their relationship, he played a fatherly role in regard to the child, such that he's reasonably feel fond of the child and the child would look on him like a dad, and someone who quite reasonably might help in a time of need. If this was done only as a favour to the ex because she didn't bother to make other arangements, its much less reasonable.
Does this happen regularly, or was this some sort of emergency ?
You don't mention the child's age, which is puzzling. Its a most peculiar mother unless the child is actually adult and able to look after herself ( and call her own taxi ) who would send any child out on a bus long distance, to arrive in the middle of the night.
As you describe his behaviour, it doesnt sound as though he had any intention of upsetting you, nor saw it as in any way demeaning to you.
Talk about it, calmly, and sort it out.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jen | 2012-12-03

It may not be his child, but maybe they have a strong " father daughter"  bond. My late great uncle left most of his fortune to his EX step son, somply because they had the bond.

It is hard to give PROPER advice though on such little information.

How old is the child? How long were they together? How long have they been broken up for?

At the end of the day, he may be doing what''s best for the CHILD and you should accept that.

Reply to Jen
Posted by: Anon | 2012-12-03

Seems as he may still be emotionally attached to both his ex and his ex''s child. Maybe he still likes her? The problem is this. People like that will always take advantage of people like him. Because people like him is always making a plan on how to help people like " them"  out. And people like her. Don''t realize how much they inconveniencing the other person/s. Like for example, someone wakes you up in the middle of the night and get you to go do something for them. I know I''ve been in the same boat. Today I tell the person. " for heavens sake, you got your car, you work for a living! Damnit there''s a word such as " being independent" ." .that does the trick. And if they don''t have a car, tell them to catch a cab, or bus or taxi or whatever. Some people are just so darn lazy to do their own dirty laundry.

Best if luck.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Phil | 2012-12-03

Come on now  what does it have to do with you? It''s his money. It''s someone close to him?
By the way  you aren''t even married to this poor sole - and already you are controlling.
You have serious issues my dear. He might not be cross  he might have seen the very serious warnings signs... go read up on your behaviour  you might be shocked...

Reply to Phil
Posted by: Maria | 2012-12-03

It depends on the role he played in the child''s life while he was with his ex. If they have a father-child relationship then I would respect him for continuing this relationship when he broke up with his ex. If on the other hand he picked up the child purely as a favour to the ex, then you''re not unreasonable.

Reply to Maria

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