Posted by: Wow | 2009-08-26

Ex' s best friend

Please help!

I have no idea how to approach this.

I was involved in a 5 year relationship, which ended 2 years ago. I was heart broken, and took time to get over it.
My Ex girl' s best friend and myself became friends. She was in a 3 year relationship, and I was friends with her boyfriend as well.
2 Years on (and a month ago) they broke up. She was also heartbroken, and we started having good times.
The next thing I know, I fell for her, and she for me. Her ex hav moved on to a new girl.
Well, last night he phoned her, and want to have her back, but she said no. She also told him of me, and he left his new girl.
I am head over heels for the first time again, but very insecure - because how can I compete with their 5 years of memories?
She has done nothing to let me feel insecure, but I can' t help it!
What do I do to compete with this memories they share - because believe me - I have' nt felt like this in ages.

We tried to keep everything below the radar, till we' re sure, since there is no need for her to mess up her years long friendhip with my ex, if it is not ging to last.

But we are at the point where she want to tell her friend, but the odds is stacked against me. Her friend is a HUGE issue to her, her ex want her back and the memories. HELP! What do I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This all sounds needlessly complicated, almost incestuous, with a small cirle of friends mating and breaking up and re-arranging themselves.Almost as though you are all somewhat turned on by the nature of this merry-go-round. Why don't any of you atually form friendships with new people, without prior involvements with all the others ?
Now you are having a secret relationship with someone in a current relationship with ( and hence cheating on ) your ex ? Or something like that. It's still cheating.
If your ex is atually truly an Ex, then it isn't to do with her. But your curren secet friend is being dishonest with the person with whom she has a long-term relaionship ( and thus, you know, may eventually be prepared to do the same with you ) At least try to be honest.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Chris | 2009-08-28

China, you sound Gay actually

Reply to Chris
Posted by: Someone | 2009-08-26

Wow, CS sometimes does not read the facts of a problem correctly, like he did here and gives judgmental advice. I think it is when he feels grumpy and impatient. He gets impatient with all the relationship problems.
If you want him to see your response, send it as a new post.

Reply to Someone
Posted by: Wow | 2009-08-26

Well, I argue that there is a differance between being dishonest, and not blurting it out to the world - for the sole reason of not hurting someone.
It is my ex - and nothing in my life - but I have several circles of friends, and this is only one.
I am close to 2 or 3 people in this group, but my main circle does not include most of them - so it is no merry-go-round.

Reply to Wow
Posted by: Soul | 2009-08-26

There is always the risk of getting hurt in a relationship, the key is that you take the chance and give it everything you have.
You never know what could happen.

You sound so happy enjoy it embrace it and let it take you where it will!

Take Care

Reply to Soul
Posted by: Wow | 2009-08-26

Thanks, you have no idea how happy I am at this moment!

Reply to Wow
Posted by: Leez | 2009-08-26

Just my 2c here. Your ex is just that, an ex! So you can safely move on. The issue at hand here is your new girl. She needs to be open with her best friend (your ex) and tell her like it is. As for her ex-boyfriend - she needs to choose who she wants to be with and then be straight with either one of you.

There is going to be hurt, of course, but ppl will eventually get used to the way things are and move on. Good luck.

Reply to Leez

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