Our expert says:
What "game" does she expect to be played ? She's an EX. If their children are grown and maried, there's no need for her to contact him much about them, and as an Ex they're not expected to have much of a current and ongoing relationship.
Yes, she need not be your friend, and should not interfere in your relationship.
He shouldn't hestitate to answer her calls in your presence, as there should be nothing sneaky going on. Maybe she's just lonely and bored - especially with the children grown, left and married - but needs to be mature enough to recognize that she has a duty to develop her own life and not expect others to fill her wasted time. There's so many useful things she could be doing for those in need, rather than bothering those who are not.
Maybe a couple of marriage counselling sessions for the pair of you, to formulate a joint pol;icy for dealing with this, would be in order. Meantime he must set firm and clear boundaries - he should tell her calmly but firmly that their relationship is over and that there is no need for her to call him again- if there are problems in the kids now maried lives, they can call you themselves ; that she needs to work on building an independent life for herself, and that she must accept that she will not be getting back together with him, even if she regrets anything that happened in the past.
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