Posted by: Tired | 2008-12-17

Ex still controls me financially


I am divorced for 7 yrs now with 3 kids. At the time of divorce my ex was unemployed, so maintenance was minimum. Since then he has build a strong business and is doing exceptionally well. He is prepared to help where he can but doesn' t want to increase maintenance. He will rather givr me extra cash when I ask and buy food for the house or clothes for the kids.I' m not ungreatful as I know many women struggle out there.My problem is that I would ratehr prefer a set maintenance casue I still feel like I' m married and he takes care of me! I have to ask for food money etc. he pays R700 maintenance and knows I will need him thruout the month. He also knows I' m not the kind of woman who spends money on herself...I don' t own makeup, don' t go to hairdressers or flashy clothing...he knows I' m not materialistic.
I just feel that he has moved on, stays with the woman he left us for 7 yrs ago and I can' t move on as I depend on his handouts.I' m afraid if I go to court they might not increase the maintenance and he warned me if I go to court I' ll get nothing extra and he will no longer help me.
My question is: He is nice enough with me, even organising a surprise birthday party for me as I couldn' t even afford a cake, then why won' t he just pay a fair maintenance.He earns 4 times my salary and I' ve given him proof of my expenditure on the kids...I just want him to contribute half. Why won' t he do that.
I hate being dependant on him...I so much want to move on.How do I do this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It doesn't matter what the situation was a the time of divorce --- you can surely go back to the maintenance court, tell them that his situation has greatly improved, and let the court set a new figure. Maintenance is supposed above all to care for the kids. If the court decides on a higher amount, he will HAVE to pay it. He is bluffing --- it's not up to him to say the court won't give you more --- the court will require him to provide proof of his earnings, and base it on that. And so long as the kids still need support, the court will not allow him to give less or nothiong, however much he threatens

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Our users say:
Posted by: oza | 2008-12-18

Yes you allow your ex this form of control, go to the court and speak to them.
Cut your ties with him he made his choice 7 years ago make yours and move on .
You choose to be manipulated by him and he enjoys the control even thou he is with another women.

Reply to oza

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